Saw a picture of you
As I was passing through
From one end to the other
Like an austere museum
You were there
Occupying a room
All your own
But from passage to passage
I saw you again
Like some mad Worhal
Repeated on end
Soon the halls were made of you
The floors, ceiling and lights
Crafted from your image
And when I saw the dust itself
Turn into your image
I breathed you in
As you dimmed my eyes
No end in sight
An ever growing scenery of you
I looked down to see
My skin becoming...
A nightmare of repetition
You have consumed everything
Including me...

What happened to my
About face
Where did my change of heart
Go
I countermanded my own
Orders
I'm AWOL from myself
I've been marching
In the middle of nowhere
Waging a useless war
Upon nothing at all

I see what people do
Every day I am a witness
To what acts of violence
They visit upon themselves
And sometimes
Their thoughts
Just won't leave me alone
Like a thousand bloody responses
To the despair of everyday
Their ripped veins scream out
The echoes ring through me
And whisper my name
Violent urges haunt my nights
While empty eyes
Watch my days
The ghosts of a hundred suicides
And the tears of ten thousand
Attempts
Drive me to the edge of almost
And beg me
To step just a little closer

Took a whirlwind tour
Through the land of you
Through the overcast valleys
The sunlit mountains
Storm whipped oceans
And placid plains
I visited the soaring towers
Of ancient universities
The humble villages
Of folk wisdom
Busy centers of commerce
And sacred temples of peace

My visa expired
And I headed home
Misty dreams of far away lands
Fill my nights
And I long to return
To that mythic land
I long to return
To that far away you

Sittin on the side of the street
Letting it all flow around me
The sights and sounds
The ghosts of others dreams
I catch bits and pieces
I close my eyes and soak it in...

Walking alone
Man dressed in black
The look in his eyes
A story to tell...
" I've been wandering
Lost for too long
Searching for my promised land
Looking for a home
My heart has been
In the driest desert places
A homeless nomad
Making due with what I find
Where will I find her
Who will she be
My promised lass
Where my heart can be free..."

Woman shuffled past
Eyes cast down
Doesn't look around
But her frown cries out...
" Should be easy to see
What's blinding me
But if I pull off the blinders
I won't be able to stand
I'll have all these reminders
Of what I can't stand
Can't live a life
Voluntarily blinded
From all life's strife
But don't want to be reminded"

Music's playing loud
Can't see the source
But his message is as clear
As the pain he shouts out...
" I'm a
Fat ugly f*uck
Wat don't belong
U can't convince me
Dat I'm wrong
I come along
Like a chunky duck
Waddlin thru
Don't give a f*ck
Ripped dudes laugh
Da females reject
Ain't never gonna get
No f*ckin respect
Ima chunky mutha
At da line ta eat
Gotta stuff myself
Git up n repeat
Don't gimme no sh*t
Git outta my way
Cuz some u mutha's
Gots ta pay!"

One more cool cat
Slides on by
It's easy to read
His self satisfied grin
"A raging beast
My hearts on the prowl
To spoil the innocent
And take what is mine
I'm so clever to hide
The fear inside
No one will tame me
No one will try
I cry and I roar
My impotence on display
I wish she would come along
Tame me and make me complete"

I get up and smile
The streets are full
Each passing story
Both a wonder and horror to see
I hope they find
Exactly what they should
As I make my way home
Looking for a chance
I wonder, what do others see
As I pass by their way...

I got twisted around
When I saw you cry

I try too hard
To make you laugh
I can see you cringe
When I say
The next stupid thing
I just wanna make
The tears go away

I got twisted around
When I saw you cry

Yeah, I know
You need those tears
You need to cry
To let loose those fears
I'm just bein selfish
Cuz I wanna see you smile

I got twisted around
When I saw you cry

Don't be afraid to let them flow
Let it out
So your heart will grow
You just gotta realize
That I'll still be tryin
(Maybe it's my jokes
Causin the cryin)

I got twisted around
When I saw you cry

My heart swirls in circles
I don't understand
Oh what a fool I am
To be here again
But a man is ever a fool
When he follows his heart
And twice the fool
Where a woman is concerned
Do I give in then
To this foolishness
When I don't know
What that even means
Do I stay still
And miss an opportunity
That will probably never be
Or something else
Some other something
That will leave me feeling
More the fool
Oh what a pitious pain
A foolish heart can be

Save me God
From myself
And find some way
To turn my foolishness
Into your wisdom

Thrown in the blender
Can't speak
World whips by
Can't catch my breath
Turnin so fast
Don't know which way to go
Gotta trust the hand
At the controls
Gotta believe it'll all work out
Tempest in a teapot
Doesn't quite capture
The whirlwind fear
In my heart
Confused
Disoriented
Nothing to grab onto
Spinning too fast
I gotta slow down
Help me, won't you
To trust and believe
That the hand at the control
Knows what I need...

Fishing in the nether regions
Of my sea sunk soul
I chanced upon a nugget
Of purest regret
Shiney and round
It sat there in the sand
A pearl of dark spite
Waiting to be prized
Careful of what I touched
Stirred or disturbed
I went on my merry way
Hoping for a different catch
Just by luck
The slimmest of chances
I spied a locked chest
Covered by the debris of the past
Slowly and ever so gently
I picked away the memories
And picked open the lock
Inside was a thousand
Treasured nothings
One time important
Time has turned to junk
But there, wait
In the bottom right corner
Hidden 'neath a forgotten scent
A tiny little gem
A perfect diamond of hope
Forgetting my care
I recklessly grabbed
And that tiny sliver of a gem
Got lodged in my heart
So now, as I struggle
To the surface of me
That smallest of splinters
Shines in me
Shedding some light
On nightmare dark waters
Building its tempo
It can't be ignored
Pulsing and pounding
Driving me on
Just a fraction of something
I'd long thought lost

Trapped alive
In a plexiglass prison
Watertight, airtight
Filled with the resin
Of my own regret
Forever preserved
In what was
Lost in the past
A museum oddity
No one sees
Who will come along
Who will set me free
Or will I be curated
By voices
From my past
Can anyone melt
This resin
To let me move again
And finally breath
Or will I forever be held
By the Twin Ghosts
Of Timidity and Shame
In their Museum
Of the Lost

What is it you hold for me
What is it I hold for you
Secrets we cannot tell
Truths we cannot speak
You listen closely my dear
And I'll whisper things
You should not hear
You whisper back my sweet
Things I dare not dream
We in each others arms
Alone in a world
Built for just us two
You singing softly
And I watch your eyes
I spinning stories
Your breath hanging on every word
We two dream together
You hold the world for me
And I'll hold tomorrow for you

Like timid winds
Testing the waters
Not sure which way
To push the waves
Remembering a time
When it took no effort
To raise the white caps
We could whip up the ocean
To do our will
But now we are powerless
Empty and devoid
Except for the barest of whispers
Trying to remember
The tempest of what was

Take a look
Look and see
What the world holds
For you
And for me
Met on a stormy night
Not a cloud in sight
I grabbed
And you caught
Both of us
Without a clue
Shoulda been her
Or shoulda been him
But we got what we got
And what we got
Was...

Double the trouble
And twice that much fun
Couldn't stand to be without
Couldn't be without ya

Look my love
Here in your heart
Here's where I'm hiding
When the world's gone dark
Grab my hand
Let's twirl about
We two who know nothing
Of what the the world has
We pulled tomorrow
Into today
And we got...

Double the trouble
And twice that much fun
Couldn't stand to be without
Couldn't be without ya

Laughs, grins
And a whole lotta sins
That's what we got
Just us two
You be my lover
You be my friend
And I'll be with you
Never wanna pretend
Me and you baby
We got the world, honey
We got each other
And that means we got..

Double the trouble
And twice that much fun
Couldn't stand to be without
Couldn't be without ya

She had no idea
What to say
The event did not go unnoticed
There were always spies
For fifty years
She'd tried her best
But she couldn't take
One more day

Close your eyes Ellen

Thinking back
To the way it used to be
Before all the
Changes
Before she saw the man
Quiet night
Cold and still
She'd walked out to her car
And there he stood
At the edge of the road
And gone the next moment

Take a deep breath Ellen

Through the years he'd come
And gone again in an instant
He seemed strange
But harmless
In his odd ways
Until he started whispering
Outside her window
Late at night
He must've been close
As he told her
All she'd done wrong
A litany of sin
To which she sadly
Pled guilty

Relax and let go Ellen

He became her constant companion
Day and night
Whispering nasty nothings
And telling her
The most delicious secrets
About Betty down the street
Marge and her whoring ways
Irene's filthy habits
And her husband's plans
She had to be careful
To protect herself
And of course, the kids

It's going to be alright Ellen

At the trial
She was horrified by the slander
The rash accusations
And out right lies
She'd done what was needed
What he said was necessary
But they said he didn't exist
But she could see
They were lying
Tricking and trapping her
They hated her for her gifts
They wanted to destroy her
Lock her away
That's what he told her
For he sat by her
Every day

You need to take your meds, Ellen

Fools!
They couldn't see
They didn't understand
Nothing kept him away
Not meds
Not talking
Not shots or shocks
He stayed and he talked
He talked and told her what to do
And after fifty years
She finally gave in
And did this one last thing
For him
And now, that Doctor knows
As they strap her down
That he was wrong
As the needle slides in
She remembers
With some delight
The look on the Doctors face
As she slit his throat

Goodnight Ellen

Sitting
Listening
Watching it drip away
One part cure
Two poison
Flip the switch
Generater hum
Slowly now...
Hush
Trees
Bare branches clacking
Solitary owl
Flash at a distance
One drop of rain
To join the rising tide
She slips now
Forever
Gone
Poe's Raven
Key turns the lock
One last time
He crawls off into the night

What measure
What manner
What's the next turn
And what role do I play?
My empty questions
Roll around the hall
Grey marbles pillars
Faded frescos
Worn smooth statues
Say nothing to address
My wayward questions
Faded eyes look on
At my whisper thin existence
And wonder at my impermanence
Suffering and insubstantiality
With questions of their own
They assail my weak will
Turn in, turn in
Suffer not
Allow yourself to fade
By giving away bits of you
The years wear you thin
Bleach your colors
And work little cracks
Through your foundation
Enough! Enough!
I weep
Tears join the flood at my feet
Standing in my own grotto
My indecision has crystallized me
Salt pillar now turning to stone
I too late realize
What I've become

What's the point
Of arguing with yourself
If you're gonna go
Irrational
You make excellent points
Which you quickly refute
All in good taste
And quite civil
That is, of course
Until THE subject is broached
Then you rage
And whine
Making ridiculous rationalizations
And nonsensical nonsequitors
Flinging accusations
And ignoring all good temperment
So I ask you again
What is the point
Either never mention THE subject
Or find a way through
To some semblance
Of civility.

There ain't no GPS
For my heart
Ain't no way to tell
Which way to go
Tried to find some direction
Online
But I just got lost
Tried to ask a friend
But I couldn't find
Their landmarks
Even asked a stranger
Which way to go
But strangers
Give stranger answers
And I still don't know
Which way to go

I live
In a roundabout
All roads
Lead back to you
Try a different path
Try a different route
And I always come back
Around to you
Spinning in circles
Try to get away
But always in your orbit
I've stayed
Didn't mean to be here
It was an innocent mistake
But wasn't paying attention
To where I was goin
Hit the roundabout
Didn't know which way to turn
So round about I've gone
Over and again

Kept my blinders on
Can't see what's next
But I'm biding my time
Til I my chance comes
Don't get me wrong
Don't misconstrue
My time here has been lovely
Some things are just a wonder
To behold
But I can't keep goin
Just goin in circles
So though its been bliss
I await my chance
To be on the road again

But maybe its not a road I seek
Maybe my options
Might be something
Of a grander scale
Could I go off road
And find my path
Or maybe there's a chance
Of an angel
Flying me away
Maybe there's a miracle exit
I've not yet found
A hidden passage
Underground
Whatever it is
No matter which way I'll go
I'll enjoy the dizzy circles
Til someone
Comes along...

I see your image
Light up my phone
My head screams
"Don't answer"
My heart screams the same...
"Hello?"
"You wanna come over tonight?"
Head and heart answer as one
"NO!"
"Love to, but I'm outta town..."
"Thank God," say
Head and heart
(And regret immediately sets in)
"I'll call you next week, then"
"Oh, please don't, I'm begging"
"That'd be great"
"Goodbye"
"Good riddence!"
"Goodbye..."
(And I miss her already...)

It's gray outside
But still too much color
Lonely bobwhite calls
Noone answers
Creatures of the night
Have fled the day
A cold twilight of a day
And only one bird sings
I sit here and wonder
Why am I

Just one more lucky chance
Just one more sat out dance

Sitting on a bar stool
At the end of the hall
Spiderwebs and dust
All doors locked
Bare bulbs
Cast a harsh light
Alone in the preternatural
Waiting

Just one more breath
Just one more silent death

Stairs are dark
No one comes
Dust grows thick
My footsteps erased
Nothing living
Makes itself known

Just one more duty
Just one more missed opportunity

Bulbs burn out
One by one
Sitting now
In the dark
Air is heavy and still
Slowly
Self mummifying

Just one more blink
Just one last time on the brink

Nothing moves
Not even breath
Ossified
No use to leave
Nowhere to go
So I just sit
On a bar stool
At the end of a hall

You
Left something behind
When you went away
A small splinter of you
That refuses to come out
Barbed
A fine hair
An invisible itch
That pulls and irritates
Whenever it catches
On you

Dance
One step
Two steps
Three steps
Go!
Jump up
Spin around
Grab the ring
Reach the ceiling
Shake your body
Move your feet
Music's hypnotech
Keeps us goin
Girl
Love to see you move
Robot-Charleston
Do the sprinkler
Follow the groove
Honey
Let me jump in next to ya
Lock arms
Lock eyes
Do the slow moves
To the chilltronica
Girl
Just wanna be with ya
On the floor tonight

Birds on a black wire
Sing my name
Over hanging kudzu
Does the same
Laughing out loud
Strolling down the lane
Beautiful day
Full of cheer
Warm summer friends
People who are dear
Looking for a smile
You know what I hear?
Singing and shouting
Celebration and joy
Wonderfully lilting
Irish tunes
Fill my daily walking
Trees in the park
Sway in time
Dogs call a melodious bark
I love a day
On a lark

I can see the appeal
Of being a cog
Some small part
Of a larger wheel
Devoid of human desire
Wants or needs
Free from the turmoil
No need for fire
Waking daily to the expected
Going about my tasks
Don't have to improvise
My fragile heart protected

What need for freedom
Does a finger have
From the hand
What need for freedom
Does a hand have
From the body
What need for freedom
Does the body have
From the people
What need for freedom

But there I have to stop
Before my mind goes wild
Sanity draining away
Drop by drop
With the loss of me
Into the freedom
Of the machine
I lose the power to see
What I did before
A delicate smile
A wind swept plain
Art from days of yore
Painful as painful must be
I have to hang on
And not lose
The independence of me.

He sits there, silent, staring
Judging me
He calls out to his friends,
His family
And they join him there
Staring at me
Judging
First the one, then ten
Now a hundred
Black like robes
Blacker eyes
Watching
Judging
Waiting to call out the verdict
The others, they stay away
They dare not cross
These beady eyed judges
But I hear their silence
And I know I am alone

Storm clouds gather
Darken the skies
And The Judge
The judges
Begin their cry
First The One
Then all together
Cawing out their displeasure
At my existence
The wind whips
Subtle movements
A stirring begins
The judges flapping
Angry, harsh
Lightening flashes close
Judges take flight
A cacaphony of guilty
Is carried on the wind

Alone again
The rain starts
The crows are gone
The circuit court in flight
And I sit
Waiting in the cold
Rain soaked
Waiting for my due