You say
There's so much to learn
About each other
But honey
I already know what's inside
While you were
Playing your games
I saw right through your eyes
Sugary sweet
While I'm watching
Your mouth
Bitter spite when I turn away
I think I know all I need
To know
That you are not
At all what you would like
Everyone to believe

Castle on a hill
You know my defenses
Penetrating my sanctuary
Letting loose the subtle terrors
You violate me
No longer consensual
You take with force
What you threw away
Castle on a hill
I can no more defend
Anymore than I can enjoy
The treacled mind fuck
And the slow bleed
From your rapacious tongue
Castle on a hill
Sacked by avarice
And a mindless devotion
To phallic greed.

I come to these pages
To indulge my ego
To try and color my angst
Crucify my fears
And exorcise my demons
But it doesn't seem to work
Anymore
The boat is sinking
Faster than I can bail
And I'm afraid
I just don't care
Anymore
Let the whole thing sink
Let it all implode
Will the future really change
Would anyone really notice
I find that the answers
To those questions
Are just as unimportant
Just as full of meaning
As the rest of this charade

I've spent enough time
Talking to myself
Derision poured on derision
Only ferments the pain
But who else would speak
In my stead
And to whom should I listen
When silence threatens
It's in the silence
That the whispers can be heard
Pleading and urgent
The promise of the unsheathed
The urgency
Of the safety coming off
The madness whispers its plea
To join in its ranks

I close my eyes too much
To the folly of my ways

If I looked you in the eyes
If I saw what you saw
If I could only bear the thought
What would I see

The lies, the hate, the calculations
Or
The love, honor, the charity

If you want me to listen
Will your eyes
Say the same thing
As your mouth
Will you be a creature
Of habit
Or one of fealty

Despicable men
Sleep in wood
As is often their wont
But don't let them see
The pyres of the brave
The knaves in the grass
Lay seige to the righteousness
Undoing the wars of old
The fires burn bright
To consume our hope
The children cry
Their mothers abandoned
By the men's fealty
To unsavory Lords
And the common man?
He lays bleeding in the field
Forgotten by all

I could sail a thousand seas
And see a thousand wonders
I could visit a thousand kingdoms
And hear a thousand praises
I could visit a thousand bazaars
And taste a thousand spices
I could beat a thousand drums
And sing a thousand songs
And I would be none the richer
For I have no eyes to see
The wonders of the world
No ears to hear
Glad words and merriment
No tongue to taste
The bounty of the Earth
I have no heart to sing
A minstrel's tale
For I have abdicated joy
And divorced hope
I have taken Loneliness
As my soul companion
I mark time
By the passing of light into dark
And run my fingers
Across Occam's Razor
Waiting
For what, I do not know

A thousand ways in
No way out
I walked this road
Now I just want to go home
I've left myself no choices
Except those untenable
God help me
I'm so very lost
A thousand ways in
I had a thousand chances
I didn't know what I was doing
And that's never been an excuse
I blew through them all
I keep asking for you
I keep begging
Another chance
Another you
I had a thousand ways in
I used them all
To get lost
And no way out

World built for two
And where am I
Without you
A simpering sentiment
It's true
But the world's unwieldy
Without you

I want to call you
I want to reach out
And touch your fingertips
I want to stop this sinking
I want to keep from drowning
And I don't know how
I need you to be there
I need you to see
But I lost track of you
I need for you to listen
I need a way back
But I don't know how
The lost lonely days
I've a feeling they've just begun
Want I want
What I think I need
Are moot on this road
I've only my ignorance
To guide me now

They wait in the shadows
Ready to ambush and devour
Biding their time
Sharpening their claws
I know I shouldn't
But I feed them in the dark
(No one is foolish enough
To believe them tame
But we all pretend it's true)
I feed and groom them
My own deadly sins

Bad things are happening
Up around the bend
You'll have a story tell
If you survive to the end
One way or another
The river must be crossed
Without a proper burial
I'm afraid you'll be lost
I've too tender a heart
For the task at hand
I'm a never was man
I cannot make this stand
The end never comes
It's never soon enough
By the time it's my time
My screaming voice, gruff

My spite
It means nothin'
Nothin'
My opinion
It means nothin'
Nothin'
My consideration
It means nothin'
Nothin'
I've faced what I could
It means nothin'
Nothin'
What I say
It means nothin'
Nothin'
What I feel
It means nothin'
Nothin'

I could cry to the wind
Scream to the mountains
Argue with the rain
It would mean...
It would come to...
It would change...
Nothin'
Nothin'

I can't raise a sword
To conquer the unknown
I can't raise a shield
To defend my kin
I can't till the ground
To feed my family
I can't wield the pen
To further understanding
I can't lift an offering
To sacrifice to my God
I can only stand in shame
For what I am not

The Lord is leaving me behind
Not because He wishes it
But because I chose
To stand still
I have rejected by silence
The bread and wine
He offers
And I rightly starve
Standing here alone
I gave no indication
That I heard His pleas
Now my heart is stone
Denied His voice
The Lord is leaving me
Not by His design
But by my weakness
I fall further behind

Each one a broken dream
The cars at the salvage yard
My marriage
My faith
And I the driver
Out of control
So much for freedom
So much for pride
I gave them all away
When I chose
To hide
What I  wouldn't give
To see them made whole
But redemption
Is for the chosen
And I am just myself
With nowhere left to hide

What is life?
  Devouring
  Consuming
  Clawing
  Cancer
  Infection
  Complexity
  Pain
  Sin
  Greed
  Conflict
  Slavery
What is death?
  Peace
  Rest
  Simplicity
  Elemental
  Giving
  Altruism
  Freedom
  Choice
She let that roll through her mind
She thought it over
And she said simply
"I choose life"
And walked away
He just stared
His hipster-goth argument
Crushed
By a catch phrase

I love you

She stopped talking
And looked away
She'd said more than enough
I didn't see her cry
But I heard her
Whispered pleas
It no longer mattered
I'd stopped listening
It all sounded the same
The excuses
The not quite apologies
The pathos
Of an unfaithful heart
She glanced back
Just to make sure
I caught her eye
And I knew
It had always been a lie

The feast descended
Like night on the fen
Death devoured the lonely
They always die too early
Hate consumed the wives
Bred with familiarity
Contempt gnawed on the poor
Self righteous in their decay
Fear burned through the faithful
Their foundation crumbling
And hope stood alone
Bloodied and shaken
No one left to fill

The question was answered
Before it was asked...

Ain't no use in mourning
Cuz things just is
Don't go makin plans
Cuz there ain't no tomorrows
You gotta stop yelling
'bout your rights
Cuz they were taken
Forever ago
No use lookin in the mirror
Cuz you ain't gonna like it
You really think
You got somewhere to go
But you ain't too good
At the truth
No use being who you are
Cuz who you are ain't so good
It's no use given up though
Cuz you ain't got nothin
Better to do

Ain't no use fightin the tide...

Love, sex, marriage,
Hope, dreams and aspirations.
Future, conquest, purpose.
All have one thing in common.
They are the province
Of the young
The kingdom of youth
The brave, stupid and vital.

And the old, infirm, used?
The spent humanity?
With the wisdom of experience
Trapped in speechless bodies
The cravings of their youth
Clawing within their uselessness
They are cast off
To fade, wither, decay
Their bones laying the foundation
For the castles of the young.