I've always been told
That we won't be given
Anymore than we can handle
Where then do we find
The necessary strength
And from where then
Do suicides arise
And from where
Do addictions ambush us

I've been told the strength
Is there for the asking
Why then do I hear
People pleading
Sobs of anguish
Begging for strength

What no one told us
What was kept from our eyes
Until it was just too late
Was the truth
The knowledge
That these days
Of wine and roses
Are nothing more than
Vinegar and thorns
Pressed into open wounds

Almost
Almost comes the end
Just a little more
A little more time
Until my duty is done
Until my duty is done

But who
Who is to say
When enough
When enough is enough
And when can the rest
The rest come at last
The rest comes at last...

There comes that moment
An odd sort of peace
Descends around you
When you realize
You are all alone
Noone cares where you are
What you are thinking
Or doing
Noone cares where you're going
And you're free
To be
Anyone, anyplace
But reality has a way of intruding
Stress and spite
Always find you
And demands your peace
Making you realize
That your life is a farce
But noone laughs
Because you're all alone

Don't say anything
I just want you to listen

There is no right
To happiness
To peace or joy
There is no right
To feeling good
To having esteem or virtue
These rights
Do not exist
And I am done pretending
That they do
I can no longer insist
That there is hope
Or joy
Or even a future
I cannot lie anymore
I refuse to participate
In the hypocrisy of dreams
And I refuse to go on
Believing in the delusion
Of human kindness

I see no point
In pointless conjecture
I see no reasonable future
In an irrational world
And yet
I will go on
One day bleeding into the next
Until it is finally my turn
To be at rest.

Steady, straight
Just ain't making it
Finding out now
Just how far to bend it
The freaks and geeks
Hide the truth
That things gotta get bent
To get done
The crafty bastards
And their Byzantine walls
Obscure the truth
Of inefficiency
Called progress
Hatred called
Fairness
Prisons called
Freedom
Despots in the name
Of the children
Their open mindedness
A bear trap around our throats
And an honest man
Forced to fit their mold
Made dishonest
And called then
Righteous

Thought it would be
A grand idea
To crawl out on a limb
And try something
Brand new
Had to keep myself
Willingly ignorant
Of the overwhelming weight
Of my own neurosis
And now I gotta try
Not to hear
The crack of the branch
Beginning to break

No matter which way I turn
The patterns keep repeating
Like some crack-headed
Groundhog day
My life has become
A gordian knot of conflict,
Despair, rejection
And morose obsessions.
I keep twisting and turning
Looking for a way out
But I always end up
On the same path
A fore ordained outcome
Blasting through my genetics
Or fate's never ending bad pun
Perhaps one day
This knot will be cut
But how does that happen
Without severing the thread
Of my life?

Self loathing
Comes in a thousand flavors
And I've tried them all
And disgust
Adds its own spin
A quick look in the mirror
Says all I need to know

Today is the Tuesday
That I chose long ago
To make an about face
To start again
With a fresh new face
And see the world
Through a new set of eyes
But you can't always control
What Tuesday will bring
And you can never foresee
What isn't meant to be seen

Tuesday came and went
And with it
The rest of the week
My resolve
And a goodly portion
Of hoped for change

I'm an undistinguished man
I've lead a petty life
I've no inheritance
To leave my children
I've no future
To which I strive
I've no desire to change

My head is squeezed
By the vices of my youth
One more bite left
And I can rest at last
So much for the future
Maybe he was right
And there is only
One bridge left
One to be half crossed
It's the question of the day
And I'm not prepared to answer

Strange to see the sun today
When I'm feeling
So dark
I left the couch
Just long enough
To look out of the blinds
But I left the phone off
The tv is always on
And the cupboard stays empty
The sun hurt my eyes
I couldn't look for long
Just long enough to see
You walk by
The sun in your hair
That self absorbed smile
It was too much to take
I turned up the volume
On the tv
And sat back down
Waiting for the man
To bring my dry goods
And frozen dinners
Shut in here by design
I've nothing to complain about
But it all still seems
So empty.

My cell phone croaked
A bellow of hello
It was you on the line
Singing of flinging
Yourself to the stars

I listened all I could
Said hi and bye
I hung up the line
Missing your kissing
When you were my heart

I resolved to find a solution
Become smart with my heart
To stop tripping into love
Beat the heat
As it were

That was the day it began
The mark, the start
When the world got all twisted
Went from sadness to madness
I heard it calling...

It leapt from the grave
It's teeth a sharp wreath
Of blood and yellow
Gnashing and smashing
My fragile sanity

Sharp and sinister claws
Ripped weak and meek
From my heart
Put crooked solutions, delusions
In their stead

I woke the next morning
Felt bold, yet cold
I dialed you up
Whispered fear in your ear
Because it told me to

Picked up the knife
Felt the weight, the wait
Tried to tell the imp
I'm done with your fun
He just grinned

My cellphone croaked
No, it's me you see
I'm in a special place
Fateful day kept at bay
By the triumph of...

Reason, season
Faith's debate
A moment of clarity
To quell the insanity

An ode to just one woman
Is a difficult task
But if you'll bear with me
I will try my very best
To do her justice
This is a woman I promise
You've never once met
Though you may've heard
When I've spoken of her
She is a stranger to you still
And so I hope to give you
Just a tiny glimpse
Of what it is like
To know her as I do
She is perfected
In the art she practices
She has an eye
For combining all of life
Into one delicious dish
She is a mother and wife
A woman who takes care
To nourish her own
And spice to perfection
Everything she creates
To watch her
Is to watch mysticism itself
Turning bits of this
Portions of that
Into a new glorious recipe
It really doesn't matter
Whatever your going through
She'll whip something up
And serve it hot
Now to the outsider looking in
It may well seem
That she is one dimensional
That there is only one thing
She knows how to cook
But having lived with her
I must say
She possess a thousand varieties
Of that singular dish
A million cascading
Flavors
Culled from every aspect
Of the life around her
And the more you devour
What it is she serves
The more you can come to enjoy
The essence of what she does
The more you find yourself
Craving her creation
That marvelous dish
She calls
Kummerspeck.

So much less than sincere
His face had intent
Writ large
A slowly spinning crisis
Best used for advancing
Became the tool he used
To meet the future her
She matched his glaring
Discontented soul
With her own sense of wonder
She pouted without realizing
How much she reminded him
Of what he'd thought he'd lost
As always with a scheming heart
Eureka come a moment too late
And the slowly spinning crisis
Spun him out of control