Time keeps
Pressing on
No matter
How much I scream
For peace
The world keeps
Closing in
No matter
How desperately
I try to hide
The predators keep
After their prey
No matter
How desicated
My bones have become
The end keeps
Creeping closer
No matter
How ignorant
I try to remain

I lay down
The mantle
Of my dreams
No longer worthy
To carry
Their weight
I cast off
The loadstone
Of hope
No strength remains
To carry
Their weight
I shed
Tomorrow
Like yesterday's
Coat
No longer
Comforted
By its
Weight
I stand naked
Before the lord
Ashamed
Of who I am

I've no right
To hear what you're saying
It's not my place
To know what's in your heart
I can't say I understand
I don't know you at all
Anymore

You're a statist regime
With a propaganda machine
Spilling your lies
Pulling apart the seams

I've no right
To a happy ending
It's not my place
To hope or dream
I'm not meant to understand
I don't know you
Anymore

You're a statist regime
With a propaganda machine
Spilling your lies
Pulling apart the seams

I've no right
To demand some justice
It's not my place
To be heard
I'll never understand
I don't want to know you
Anymore

I wonder
Do you know
Exactly how
You make me feel?
Is it like
The springtime blossoms
Full of promise?
Or perhaps
Like the dawn
Of a bright new day?
Is it like
The laughter
Of innocent youth?
Or perhaps
Like a cozy fire
On a cold winters night?
Think my love
How do you
Make me feel?
It is my dear
Like none
Of those things.
Look back
At what you've done
And you
Will see
How it is
I feel...
Like an arm
Pulled into
A chipper
Like an
Acid washed
Bone
I feel drawn
And quartered
I feel
The suffocation
Of drowning
In your spite
I feel
Like a man
Waiting
For the guillotine
But mostly
My dear
I just feel
Numb.

How could I make any of this up
My imagination
Doesn't strain that far
I'm telling you what I saw
I'm telling you
What you ought to know...
There in the distance
There stands my faith
Naked and shivering
There stands my faith
Abandoned by incompetence
Forsaken through malaise
I saw the rising tide
Blot out the sun
I saw the tangled forest
Ooze malevolence
I heard the subsonic groaning
From faith beset by fear
I heard the keening song
Announcing fear triumphant
I felt the ground give way
To the burden of my sin
I felt the heavens sigh
With acknowledged regret
And there in the distance
My faith collapsed upon itself
And in that instance I knew
What I was never to be
I knew fate's tenuous embrace
Would soon chains become
And the tender ministrations
I so longed for
Would come from the claws
I'd tried vainly to escape

I know what you've seen
I know what you heard
I know what you think
And its all wrong
Open up
And let me out
There's nothing more I can do
All this around us
A matrix of lies
And self delusion
Give up what you know
Open up
And let me out
There's something more...
One fear too many
Blinded by a lack of faith
Nobody really sees
The locks without the keys
Open up
I need to be
What you never were

Anger is a sideshow
To what's really goin on...

A two bit barker
Paid to show the way...

Beating an empty chest
It's no use anymore
No one comes around
Nothing to explore

She was a disappointment
When she fled the tent
She'd arranged for him
A little accident

The strongman
Lost his fight
When the pretty girl
Emptied his might

The clowns no longer
Wear their faces
To many scars
Left too many traces

Anger is a sideshow
To what really went on
But its the only show
I know to put on

I know

Wailin'
I can't see
Not much use
For the other me
Step aside
You heroes and dreams
No use waitin'
For ain't never gonna be's
Standard rates apply
To everyone
'cept me
'cause I'm an enemy
Of the people
Ain't never been free
Shut up and listen
Do what you're told
You ain't wise enough
To be your own
Pay up
And cog up
I ain't nuthin'
But a tool
Used up
I wised up
Only to play
The fool

We face the other
Putting aside
The practicality
Of our bodies
We lie to the other
Engaged
In facile
Social constructs
We ignore the other
As we ignore ourselves
Forgetting
The commonality
Of our bodies
We chastise the other
For losing control
While we swim
In prurient dreams
Of our own
We are the other
Held in bondage
By the false centrality
Of our bodies

I've become the vampyre
I so long dreaded
Stealing little bits
Of your soul
Just to feed mine
Death is a daily dream
But I cannot die
I can only be killed
I haunt the edges
Of your life
Feeding on your joy
Slowly sapping
Your strength
Diminishing you
Against my will
I am that subtle thief
Feeding upon your life

Surfing the rivers
Of fire and ice
I caught a glimpse
Of your smile
And the scent
Of your hair
Carried along
On an errant memory
Passing the dreams
Away into the night
The river pushes on
Leaving yesterday
Behind

I shoulda been a man
When I had the chance
I shoulda taken that turn
And faced myself
But now here I am
Ain't got no worries
Ain't got no money or job
Ain't got nothin
Worth worrying about
'cept that little girl
That calls me Dad
And in her eyes
I see my worth
I found somethin there
That I ain't seen before
I see the chance
I missed before

The world belongs
To the young
And the future
To their children
While the old
Are consigned
To chasing
Yesterdays shadows
And their
Former importance

There are times
You want your friends to call
But they never do
There are times
You want to be rescued
From your own self pity
There are times
You just want it all to end
And sit afraid that it will
There are times
You wonder if
And don't know what it means
There are times

The world ends tomorrow
And I don't know what to do
A decade of decompressing
Left me unprepared
Strength and sinew
Wasted and gone
The faith of a sinner
Is more than I possess
Hope has long since slipped
Into the world of fantasy
Yes, the world ends tomorrow
And I find I don't know what to do
So I will do
The one thing in which
I have proficiency
Doing nothing
I will sit in my beach chair
And watch the end roll in
With the waves

It was a bit much
A supercilious nod
To the paean
Of my heart
She knew what I meant
But ignored it
All the same
That single look
And curt nod
Said more
Than the tomes
She worshipped
And me
A nothing in her eyes
A challenge
To her world view
But her best effort
Could not touch
The joy
Hidden in my heart
And I just smiled
In return
A smile of pity
And regret
A forlorn expression
She would not
Deign to recognize

One drop at a time
Like a window pane
In the rain
The world begins to run
All around me
The colors become
A psychodelic mess
And faces
Are unrecognizable
Unsure of my footing
I don't know which way
To turn
Stumbling
I fall into you

Today

I woke before the dawn
Thinking
And remembering all I'd done
All I'd thought and dreamt
All distilled into a single moment
A realization
Of who I am
Who I was
And what I mean

I sat alone at the cafe
Watching
Feeling the metaphors
Floating and swirling
Down the street
And around the Sunday Walkers

I went to bed early
Listening
To the soft evening rain
The distillations
And metaphors
Playing at being intimate
And suggesting conclusions

Conclusions
Like an empty glass of wine
A half eaten sandwich
And a locked emergency exit
Conclusions without evidence
It's all that's left
At the end of the day

A sky without meaning
An ocean of possibilties
Out of reach
A man with nowhere left to go
The future is a burden
When its the same as today
No time left to argue
Let me sleep
Then repeat the day

Like a histrionic schoolgirl
I want to scream puerile angst
Like a borderline Mrs.
I must love/hate to hate/love you
Like a sociopathic bartender
I dream of ending your misery
Like a hopeless romantic
I cant give up my faith in you
Like a jealous lover
I follow your every move
Like a man without imagination
I stay right where I am

A study in naivity
I feign being naive
I affect a studied naivity
And in so doing
I become what I am
Naive
No longer pretending
Except to myself

I feel blinded by life
Walking around in a haze
Always looking at the ground
Waiting for the end of my days

Ive been chewed up
Ive been spit out
Nothing left to give
Living a life of doubt

'til

I took a drive today
Passing under the trees
Caught a glimpse of the blue sky
And this is what i had to say

Cant be depressed
On a Savannah saturday
Cant get down
When there's
Beauty all around

Girls at the beach
Music in the air
SCAD kids being eclectic
All with purple hair

Blue bloods
Having a soire

Hiding behind
Man made hedgerows
I caught a glimpse
A mute siren
She captured my attention
Pulled ever closer
I watched disembodied
As I crashed
On the shoals
Of my own folly
Drowning 'neath the waves
Of my failed hello
I'm swallowed up
By the unforgiving sea
Of conversation
She watches, amused
Having seen it all
Before

Stop
And listen
To the whisper
Of the edge
Cutting
Into flesh

Stop
And smell
The sweet scent
Of dripping
Life

Stop
And taste
The prolonged
Moments
Of the last
Breath

Stop
And watch
The single tear
Falling
To the floor

Stop
And feel
The lonely
Desperation
End

Stop
And think
Is this really
Where you
Thought
You'd end up

Now stop
And rewind
Take those
Moments
Back
Undo the now
So the future
Does
Not
Stop

Godfrey's Aside

I cling too much
I know I do
To every word you say
To every moment
With you
Like a starving man
Around a buffet
I silently pine
Amidst a feast
Wanting much more
Than I could ever have

I wanna wanna
Girl like you
A girl free and dear
A girl with a sunny smile
I wanna wanna
Girl like you
One whose free and clear
One who will
Make me her dear

Flipped my mind
On a dime
Don't know what to do
But I think I'm through

Superstition adds to the mix
I saw your eyes
Just before the turn
And you smiled
That smile of yours
Not knowing where it would land
Black cat sleeping on the roof
Single minded devotion
To nothing new
I saw the end jump up
From underneath
And still you smiled
Just for me
Or so I like to pretend
Can't say the last time
I heard her sing
But it wont last forever
And from under the ladder
I heard the sound
Of mirrors breaking
Salt scattered nearby
And I felt your smile
As it passed my way
Still mine I would say
As I watched it go out of view

I
I can feel
Your words
Licking at the edge
Of me
And I
I can feel
The idea
Of you
Seeping through
The bomb shelter walls
Of my heart
I
I can feel
The way
You move
My magnetic north
And I
I can feel
Your eyes
Staring down
My fear
And I know
I know
You're there
Like the dunes
Against the tide
The lightening
In the sky
I know
You're there
Like the footprints
Before the step
The shelter
Before the storm
I
I can hear
Your words
In the sigh
Of the wind
The tapping
Of the rain
And I
I can hear
You say
Come Home

I've had enough
Of tender remembrances
Of late night
Wistful romances
Sleeping alone
Is all I do
Surrounded by
Unwanted memories
Of you
It's cold comfort
Forgetting about you
Learning to be one
Instead of two
Don't know why
I'm thinking this way
Suddenly sentimental
For yesterday
I don't want to return
I need to look ahead
Think of tomorrow
Not what's dead
I need today
Something new
Not sentimental
Memories of you

Physician heal thyself
And I pronounced myself cured
But I have a fool
For a physician
Because I still haven't recovered
From when you
Took your heart away

The medicinals
They had their numbing effect
The chemo and draughts
My physician said
Put me into remission

But the cancer remained
From your love turned poison
And the wound never filled in
From any intention

Sometimes I feel it
Gnawing inside
Creating empty places
Where I try to hide

Physician heal thyself
But some wounds
Are just too deep

It's Never What You Think

I was lucid dreaming
When they brought me the corpse
A tight white bundle
With a slowly blooming rose
I heard the drip drip drip
Of IV sedation
Somewhere down hall
My left arm
Sending smoke signals
One finger drifting away at a time
I saw you then
Reflected in the lake
I tried to smile
But it was already
Too late
I smelled the gardens
Full of basil and rosemary
And felt your shadow
Cross my face
Waking, I lost all sense
Of who I'd been
The world is become
Devoid of meaning
And I only long
To be back with you

Felicity's empty apartment
Wasn't quite so empty
The little blue light
Kept my sanity
While the candles
Continued their beautiful
Self destruction
I heard the whispers
After the lights went out
Her breath in my ear
Held back the dreams
Creeping nightmares
Ivy vines of scattered thought
Try to keep me
From morning's warm light
Felicity left me
Alone in her room
Full of photos
Of people she never knew

Brilliant red sunshine
Lit the way
Rotting carcass of a rat
In the middle of the road
Death and the circle of life
A poor excuse
For nature's avarice
A tongue in cheek subtext
A wink to what we already know
Playing out daily
A subtle irony?
No one really thinks so

Found an old VHS
Lable was faded
"Brutesque"
Dug out the machine
Pressed play
Sat and stared
It was brutal
A nauseating display
Human brutality
One on one
It was grotesque
Freak show
Valueless characters
Meaningless lives
Pointless pursuits
"Brutesque"
A letterbox highlight reel
Starring you
And me

We made a connection
Didn't we
Out on the edge
Of your sanity
You'd waited for years
For a night like that
Giving in too soon
Your lust a trap
We swung wildly
Forgetting our dreams
Letting go of reality
Tearing at the seams
We made a connection
Everyone missed
But we let loose the demons
With our bloody tryst
And found ourselves
Out of hope and panting
Shallowed out remains
Of a once was enchanting

Love is an illusion
I once believed
But once you see
Past the romance
It's nothing but
Sleight of hand
A little bit of
Sexual misdirection
And you can't understand
How your heart disappeared
While your looking
After your honey
She's backstage
With another man
The cabinet is empty
And she's sitting
In the audience
Watching the fool
Still on stage
She takes over the show
And cuts you in half
All the while
Proclaiming her love

I, I had one more thing to say
I stared intently at the chair
The single lamp gave
A certain gravity to the room
The wind's incessant howling
Quite suddenly stopped
And the world seemed to me
To wait to hear what I had to say
I, uh, I need only one thing
I need you to listen...
No response
I need you to listen to me...
No response
Alright, I will go on then
I've waited years for this moment
And I won't be stopped now
They sold me a lie
You understand....
No response
They sold me on a future
All I had to do
All anyone had to do
Was to work hard
To go to school
To be honest
To stay clean
And then your mom and your god
They would be proud of you
And you would be happy
And I bought it
Do you hear me
I bought it...
No response
Yeah you know where this is going
Mom went silently senile
And god just keep silent
The work piled up
And they changed their story
Now they said I was greedy
A cheat and a liar
I was to be held in contempt
Have you ever been hated...
No response
And now I'm stuck
Between my ego
And my dime store values
And you know, I'm not angry
I'm not hurt
I'm just waking up
I'm finally awake
You see....
No response
The problem, as I see it
Is not so much the world
As it is me
(The wind listened
While it began to rain)
It's me and my anachronisms
I'm outdated and useless
At least that's how I think
I romanticized and intellectualized
You don't blame me too
Do you...
No response
I, I just wanted you to know
Before I said good-bye
The rain intensified
As I picked up the gun
I looked again at the chair
Pulled back the trigger
And sat down...

Somewhere, out there
Underneath the wind
I lost what I'd come to find
The shifting sands
Of lost motivation
Cleared away
Any trace of a path
The rain came down
Drowning the skies
And the stars
Refused to shine
Tomorrow in an ever-night
Never brings the sun
Weary of the chase
I wrapped my faith
In yesterday's oil cloth
And laid down
One last time

She looked at me and said
"I'm just waiting
To be happy again,
But I don't think I know
What happy is"
She started to cry
And pleaded
"Can you help me,
Can you find me some hope..."
And behind her
He began to sing
In his best falsetto
"I'm so hot for you
I'm hot up inside
I'm hot down inside
I'm hot all around
Across my neck
I'm hot down my back..."
And he smiled
Not knowing he'd missed
Every note

"The voices are telling me
They are gonna kill me"

"I just want to hurt somebody,
I want them to know my pain"

"I just want somebody to
Love me..."

The fabric of our
Everyday lives
Is so easily worn thin
The threads are exposed
And the patterns
Become misshapen
And sometimes
Unwanted things
Crawl out from behind
Things that were never meant
To see the light of day
The secret pains
The rape and violence
The fear and death
We thought we controlled
Our neighbors pass us by
No longer the same
And we've no choice
But to try tie the threads
Back again...

"It's never quite the same,"
She said,
"And you know that..."
Her eyes said everything else
That needed to be said.

Feldspar, my dear,
Mohs was right
You're a cold hearted woman
With a heart of stone
Gotta gimme credit though
I tried to break
That granite veneer
But it all went sideways
Didn't it?
Vickers was at least
Half right, I guess
When he predicted
My failure
But can you blame me
For trying to polish
That heart of yours
Into a fine
Moonstone?
So I'll leave you here
In the setting you chose
Just a pretty young thing
With a heart of stone

Desperation comes in two flavors
Red and black
Which one will I choose tonight?
Black brings the bitter
Taste of regret
And red the heady taste
Of bloody revenge
So come over here girl
And give us a taste
What flavor of desperate
Are you gonna be tonight?
Dancing on the fringes
Of madness and pain
Your frenzy of self doubt
Looks so good tonight
Whirl over here and give us a taste
Don't let sensibility and wisdom
Stop your charade
Let me taste
Just how desperate
You are tonight...

I am being crushed
By the weight
Of my own decisions
The vulture-thieves
And vampires
Gleefully dance
Around my demise
Waiting
For just one more drop
And why do I struggle
Why do I push
Against what I've created
I dont know
anymore

It became the picture
Of American the tragic
The essence of what was
Never supposed to be
A singular vision
Of the unnecessary
The state sponsored
Destruction of dreams
Once this was a land
Of hope and promise
Now it is a dreamless waste
A landscape filled
With jealousy and mendacity
Wherein the greater the effort
The greater the punishment
Striving to build
Achieve or improve
Is a sign of greed
And the seeds of greed
Must be crushed
For the greater good
Of those in power
The guns, tools and powers
Of the state
Must be aimed
At those with vision
No one must rise up
Lest they challenge
Their masters and rulers
America the beautiful?
Home of the free?
Only in death
Can I once again dream

In liquid I pour myself into
Oblivion
That sweet darkness found
In your soul
I let loose a torrent of red
Regret
A soliloquy of visions and dreams
Unrequited
I tore open the veins of innermost
Fear
And laid bare the lost innocence
In your soul
I could have had you then
No
I waited until your back
Turned
I whispered cool threats of
Love
And you opened yourself to
Me

I looked my love
Into the eye of the dragon
Emerald hues
Amidst flaming reds and blues
And there I saw
Deep into your heart
A reflection of intent
A reflection of you
Tears welled, my blood spilled
From the eye of the dragon
For he too knew
That which I saw
And he mourned with me
For what I must do...

I looked my love
Into the mouth of the dragon
Razor sharp
Amidst flickering forked swords
And there I saw
Exactly what I knew I would
Raw meat and rage
A penchant for tearing
A need to destroy innocence
And you the flavor
Driving the hunger
Driving me to do what's needed...

Spent all day
Picking at the plastic
That covers the foam
That covers the brick
Of my new home
The time drips by
Like the tears of the roach
That crawled out of the hole
I made in the wall
The pretty pills
Come and they go
Some down inside
And some in cheeks
On the way to the wall
Where cockroaches hide
Eating them all
At least the little buggers
Won't be bugged by the voices
Not the nightmares
Or creepy things
Crawling out of empty spaces
Roger keeps saying
I should go ahead and do it
Crawl inside his head
Then down through the hole
He says once I'm inside
The doctors won't find me
And I can go out there
But I've seen out there, Roger
And I know what is waiting
A bad ass skinny dude
With a can full of poison
So I says to Roger
Why don't you crawl inside
I can save you today
And there's pudding besides
He told me he'd think it over
But, just in case,
I should sleep quietly
With my mouth opened wide
Tonight Roger, tonight
I whisper into the hole
I picked through the plastic
Into the foam
Into the wall
That Roger calls home

I stood in the deep
The dark shadow of the alley
And I watched a woman
Beat a man to death
She screamed indignities
At a man she clearly
Did not know

A monk reverently bows
One last time before his shrine
And I watch an intemperate thug
Shoots at point blank range
Just for a laugh

The woman, the thug
They stare at me
Wondering why I never helped
I was never quite sure
If they meant them
Or their victims

They visit me now
Late at night
Both victim and murderer
And they whisper to me
Join us, join us
And be free

The room is locked
And the walls are soft
Three meals a day
And rec therapy on Tuesday
And no matter the voltage
They won't go away

Join us...

And it came to pass
That in the days of drought
A great storm arose
Out of the west

And the storm brought
The tearing winds
Nettles and stinging things
Devourers of flesh
And those renders of the soul

The foul wind roared
As it leveled kingdoms
And cities disappeared
It clawed at the mountains
And whipped the seas

And it was in those dark days
The sun and moon's light
Was swallowed whole
Such that man was reduced
To blindness and fear

A man arose from the wasteland
He and his kind
The people of the plucked eyes
And the ruptured ears
Those who saw and heard
Only with their heart

We must discover
From whence came this wind
We must uncover
What remnant of truth remains
And seek relief
From this early grave

A delegation was volunteered
And sent out against the wind
Hollow laughter arose from man
Foolish in their contempt
But the visioneers
For it was such that they imagined
Pushed onward
To the heart of death

And it came to pass
After two years, one month
And seventeen days of silence
An answer was brought forth

The sad remnant of man
Huddled in their pits
Listened with what heart remained
And upon hearing
Were divided as a nation
Some chose to believe
While others rejected

And so it was that man
Turned against man
As is always his wont
And the visioneers
And their followers
Were driven from
The company of men
To again brave the winds

Soon man forgot his past
Forgot his reason and wisdom
And clawed his way ever deeper
Into the dark caves
Away from the winds
Away from the truth
And forever away
From the respite they crave.

............

And what answer was given
What truth was so hated
Why were men divided
And driven into the storm
And what became of the visioneers
And their followers

The wind they said
Was caused by a vacuum
An absence from the world
Such was the integral nature
That the absence produced
A continual storm

And the absence itself
Arose from the world
Of the spirit, to envelope
The world of the physical

The absence was caused
By no less than man himself
By his pride
By the twisting of morality
And rejecting the truth

Man pushed God out of his life
And God's absence
Brought forth the devouring wind
And laid flat
The pride of man

The answer rejected
Was of the simplest sort
To stop the tempest
Remove the absence
Vision and heart
Knowledge and hearing
Will be restored
And life will begin again

It comes down to this
Can it be the end
I've had seven years
Trying to pretend
It's not getting better
In fact its getting worse
Can I finally put into action
All that I've rehearsed
They keep promising
It'll all be ok
That hope shines out
For a much brighter day
But I keep finding
That all along they lied
The devils kept after me
No matter how hard I tried
And there is no
New tomorrow
There is just another today
With a bit more sorrow
So what is the point really
Of any more of this life
It's nothing but cruel
Wasted strife

I've always been told
That we won't be given
Anymore than we can handle
Where then do we find
The necessary strength
And from where then
Do suicides arise
And from where
Do addictions ambush us

I've been told the strength
Is there for the asking
Why then do I hear
People pleading
Sobs of anguish
Begging for strength

What no one told us
What was kept from our eyes
Until it was just too late
Was the truth
The knowledge
That these days
Of wine and roses
Are nothing more than
Vinegar and thorns
Pressed into open wounds

Almost
Almost comes the end
Just a little more
A little more time
Until my duty is done
Until my duty is done

But who
Who is to say
When enough
When enough is enough
And when can the rest
The rest come at last
The rest comes at last...

There comes that moment
An odd sort of peace
Descends around you
When you realize
You are all alone
Noone cares where you are
What you are thinking
Or doing
Noone cares where you're going
And you're free
To be
Anyone, anyplace
But reality has a way of intruding
Stress and spite
Always find you
And demands your peace
Making you realize
That your life is a farce
But noone laughs
Because you're all alone

Don't say anything
I just want you to listen

There is no right
To happiness
To peace or joy
There is no right
To feeling good
To having esteem or virtue
These rights
Do not exist
And I am done pretending
That they do
I can no longer insist
That there is hope
Or joy
Or even a future
I cannot lie anymore
I refuse to participate
In the hypocrisy of dreams
And I refuse to go on
Believing in the delusion
Of human kindness

I see no point
In pointless conjecture
I see no reasonable future
In an irrational world
And yet
I will go on
One day bleeding into the next
Until it is finally my turn
To be at rest.

Steady, straight
Just ain't making it
Finding out now
Just how far to bend it
The freaks and geeks
Hide the truth
That things gotta get bent
To get done
The crafty bastards
And their Byzantine walls
Obscure the truth
Of inefficiency
Called progress
Hatred called
Fairness
Prisons called
Freedom
Despots in the name
Of the children
Their open mindedness
A bear trap around our throats
And an honest man
Forced to fit their mold
Made dishonest
And called then
Righteous

Thought it would be
A grand idea
To crawl out on a limb
And try something
Brand new
Had to keep myself
Willingly ignorant
Of the overwhelming weight
Of my own neurosis
And now I gotta try
Not to hear
The crack of the branch
Beginning to break

No matter which way I turn
The patterns keep repeating
Like some crack-headed
Groundhog day
My life has become
A gordian knot of conflict,
Despair, rejection
And morose obsessions.
I keep twisting and turning
Looking for a way out
But I always end up
On the same path
A fore ordained outcome
Blasting through my genetics
Or fate's never ending bad pun
Perhaps one day
This knot will be cut
But how does that happen
Without severing the thread
Of my life?

Self loathing
Comes in a thousand flavors
And I've tried them all
And disgust
Adds its own spin
A quick look in the mirror
Says all I need to know

Today is the Tuesday
That I chose long ago
To make an about face
To start again
With a fresh new face
And see the world
Through a new set of eyes
But you can't always control
What Tuesday will bring
And you can never foresee
What isn't meant to be seen

Tuesday came and went
And with it
The rest of the week
My resolve
And a goodly portion
Of hoped for change

I'm an undistinguished man
I've lead a petty life
I've no inheritance
To leave my children
I've no future
To which I strive
I've no desire to change

My head is squeezed
By the vices of my youth
One more bite left
And I can rest at last
So much for the future
Maybe he was right
And there is only
One bridge left
One to be half crossed
It's the question of the day
And I'm not prepared to answer

Strange to see the sun today
When I'm feeling
So dark
I left the couch
Just long enough
To look out of the blinds
But I left the phone off
The tv is always on
And the cupboard stays empty
The sun hurt my eyes
I couldn't look for long
Just long enough to see
You walk by
The sun in your hair
That self absorbed smile
It was too much to take
I turned up the volume
On the tv
And sat back down
Waiting for the man
To bring my dry goods
And frozen dinners
Shut in here by design
I've nothing to complain about
But it all still seems
So empty.

My cell phone croaked
A bellow of hello
It was you on the line
Singing of flinging
Yourself to the stars

I listened all I could
Said hi and bye
I hung up the line
Missing your kissing
When you were my heart

I resolved to find a solution
Become smart with my heart
To stop tripping into love
Beat the heat
As it were

That was the day it began
The mark, the start
When the world got all twisted
Went from sadness to madness
I heard it calling...

It leapt from the grave
It's teeth a sharp wreath
Of blood and yellow
Gnashing and smashing
My fragile sanity

Sharp and sinister claws
Ripped weak and meek
From my heart
Put crooked solutions, delusions
In their stead

I woke the next morning
Felt bold, yet cold
I dialed you up
Whispered fear in your ear
Because it told me to

Picked up the knife
Felt the weight, the wait
Tried to tell the imp
I'm done with your fun
He just grinned

My cellphone croaked
No, it's me you see
I'm in a special place
Fateful day kept at bay
By the triumph of...

Reason, season
Faith's debate
A moment of clarity
To quell the insanity

An ode to just one woman
Is a difficult task
But if you'll bear with me
I will try my very best
To do her justice
This is a woman I promise
You've never once met
Though you may've heard
When I've spoken of her
She is a stranger to you still
And so I hope to give you
Just a tiny glimpse
Of what it is like
To know her as I do
She is perfected
In the art she practices
She has an eye
For combining all of life
Into one delicious dish
She is a mother and wife
A woman who takes care
To nourish her own
And spice to perfection
Everything she creates
To watch her
Is to watch mysticism itself
Turning bits of this
Portions of that
Into a new glorious recipe
It really doesn't matter
Whatever your going through
She'll whip something up
And serve it hot
Now to the outsider looking in
It may well seem
That she is one dimensional
That there is only one thing
She knows how to cook
But having lived with her
I must say
She possess a thousand varieties
Of that singular dish
A million cascading
Flavors
Culled from every aspect
Of the life around her
And the more you devour
What it is she serves
The more you can come to enjoy
The essence of what she does
The more you find yourself
Craving her creation
That marvelous dish
She calls
Kummerspeck.

So much less than sincere
His face had intent
Writ large
A slowly spinning crisis
Best used for advancing
Became the tool he used
To meet the future her
She matched his glaring
Discontented soul
With her own sense of wonder
She pouted without realizing
How much she reminded him
Of what he'd thought he'd lost
As always with a scheming heart
Eureka come a moment too late
And the slowly spinning crisis
Spun him out of control

Last time I was here
It was 1994
And I don't remember
A thing
It was an ordinary day
Felt black as Satan's heart
I think it was a Friday
And a Sunday
I can look back now
With some longing and regret
And wonder why it is
I travel in circles
I can see it ahead/ behind
I can hear '94 calling again
Having trouble being sure
That I don't want to go

Five four three two one
Plunger down
Button pushed
Trigger pulled
Fireworks off
And your last chance
Lights up the sky
One two three four five
Slam the door
Turn out the light
Silence the music
The wine is gone
And your last chance
Left the party
Five four three two one
Ball caught
Slam dunked
Goal scored
Stadium filled
And your last chance
Shines on the big screen
One two three four five
Load the chamber
Spin for the chance
Squeeze just a little
Room explodes
And your last chance
Never was

So
As I was saying
Before your neighbor
Interrupted
And by the way
She's a nice little lady
And her apple pie
Was just about
Perfect
Say hi to her
When you see her
Next
What?
Oh yes, where was I
On Florence
Yes, that's right
The place just
Past third
You see there is this little
Store I frequent
Full of knick knacks
Whatnots and blind alleys
And I'm searching
The discount bin
Your right
I am quite the spend thrift
The discount bin
At the second hand store
I get it, I get it
But its not high irony
Anyway
There I was
And I found this little treasure
A book
Bound in leather
It was about six inches
Top to bottom
Faded gilt letters
Yes, I could just make it out
The name read
*Razbliuto*
I know, the suspense is
Killing you
You've made that clear
But what I want
What I need you to
Understand
Is that I'd never seen this book
Before
Not once
Not ever I'm telling you
And yes its a big deal
I'm getting to that
Just listen
This is my story
So, ok
Gold letters, faded, you got it?
Well
I opened it up
And
The first page was the title
Yes, the same title
I know, I just thought
A little false suspense was ok
So I turn to the first
Chapter
And there she was!
Who? Her!
You know, her.
The very same
Picture and everything
And then a recitation
Of the time we'd spent
Together
What?
It's the act of
Enumerating or listing
Of details
Yes, I know it is usually
Oral, but
It seemed apt
And at the end of the...
Main text, if you will
Written in italics
It listed why we broke up
And you want to know
The strange part?
The next chapter
Was about another
That I once loved
Then another
And another, surely
You get the picture by now
Was it off putting?
Yes!
I was shaken and disturbed
Yes, I bought it!
I'm a bit afraid to show it
You know, its a private thing
I know you were there
You've had my back
Through all those times
Ok, but, well just look
What do you mean?
That can't be right!
No, it was her
So your saying that the first
Chapter
Is your ex?!

Walk away Cleopatra
No Mark Antony round here
Go ply your wares
On some else's Nile
We're happier the way we were

She walked into yesterday
With a gleam in her eye
She grabbed hold of my heart
Without even tryin
She knew what she was doin
But she never cared
To think about what she done
But her hips sang a different song
When she walked in and out
Of everyone's future

Walk away Cleopatra
Bat your lashes one last time
Turn and say goodbye
You've kingdoms left to conquer
No time for you to waste
Around here

She's a never ending
Craving a beginning
A royal flush
With no cards
She's a hot little number
And she knows the key
She wants to be wanted
But rarely caught

Walk away Cleopatra
Walk away through the sand
Walk straight into my heart
And never walk away again

I'm a singer
Whats outta key
I'm an architect
Without a line
I'm a three ring master
In a square box
I'm a fireman
Who's hydrophobic
I'm a painter
Outta oils
I'm a shrink
That's gone insane
I'm a butler
Without a mansion
I'm a driver
Without a spark
I'm a teacher
That doesn't add up
I'm a waiter
With no menu
I'm a principal
That ain't got principles
I'm a physicist
In a lawless brane
I may be all this baby
But I'll tell you what I'm not
Your lapdog
Plaything
Bankroll
Little bit on the side
I'm not your
Comedian
Prankster
Lover or forgiver
I'm not your
Two bit clown
Or your wait around
Cuz I got me some style baby
Even if its just my own.

I saw the needle
Discarded on the floor
I saw the last chance
And I cried all night
I really don't know
Why
Like black sunshine
I slipped past the dawn
I held my breath
Til I came full circle
I saw the last drop fall
And wanted to cry again
The last time I saw you
Was the last time I believed
Now I find faith
10cc's at a time
Cooked up by a man I hate
And I've nothing left
With which to cry

Spicy Spanish scions
Talk terrible trash
Estaban eventually escapes
Forced friendly farces
And admits ambivalence
Nearby, Natalie noticed

Ambitious Armenian argonauts
Unfold utilitarian ukeles
Testing tender tempos
Until unrequited Uzbeks
Make memorable music

Why not just leave
You've no business here
This is not your home
This is not your place
So I implore you
Just go
Take your face off the floor
Pull up the roots
You tried so desperately
To put down
Pull them up
And please leave
Forthwith

French fried watermelon
Sounded disgusting
But when she smiled
At the first bite
I knew it was just beginning
She wanted to try
Everything under the sun
And everything at the fair
Cheese curds shaped like cows
Funnel cakes on donuts
Sausage on a stick, fried
And the rides, oh the rides
Up, down
Spin and spun around
Flipped and flopped
Twisted inside and out
And I followed
Every disgusting bite
And gut wrenching turn
Just to watch her smile

One more forlorn shadow
Two dreams turned to dust
Three false gods forsaken
Four heartbeats left to give
And I stand alone
Beside the one I thought I knew
I shake my head good-bye
She shrugs and reminds me
Of that time in Paris
When we saw that homeless man
Whose sudden kindness
Saved our trip
One last moment
Two hearts out of one
Three choices for we two
Four steps left...

Doesn't matter what I say
Or how much time
I spend staring at the stars
Doesn't matter what I think
Or how much time
I spend contemplating fate
It all still ends the same
I can spend all day
With my head and hands
Open wide
I can spend all night
With my heart and will
Open wide
It all still ends the same
Doesn't matter if I say
I love you a thousand times
I could spend my life
Reminding you of my faith
But it still just ends the same
And in the end
What will really have changed

Dreamin with my eyes open
Silent sweet music to my ears
I had a passing thought of you
Like a whisper in a stream
Traveling through the places
Of the in between
Content to be the only passenger
On the Silent Scaevity
She is named
For a long lost king
Who watched as his kingdom
Burned
Now she sails as a witness
Antithesis of her name
And I alone her passenger

The secret society
Met at nine
In an undisclosed location
Near the shoreline
They met with a purpose
Of shocking intent
To expunge themselves
From their anger pent
To let loose a conflagration
The last deadly resort
To free the world
Of all the wrong sort
They glared at each other
Hatching their schemes
Avoiding the mirrors
In their tired memes
To look at themselves
Would be the undoing
Of this worn out society
Hidden from viewing
They would be forced
To finally confront
The truth that it is they
Who are the affront
It is this Oligarchy
This society of wise fools
That must be punished
For their perverse rule

Ur silence is deafening
But ur message is clear
It's not what u say
Really, its what u do
And what u do, honey
Ain't nowhere near the truth
Of the picture u painted
Keep on painting
Ur pretty words
In gold and half tone sepia
I'll watch what u do
To know all I need
And when u paint
By saying nothing at all
I will hear what ur tryin to say
And I'll know before u
What the picture is all about

Went down to the river
Went to see cousin Joe
A mean ol coot
With a heart of gold
He'd been hurt
By some woman long ago
He closed himself off
And spent his love fishin'
Cleet, that's what Joe was called
Always smiled at the sun
And cussed the fish
He could throw together
A gourmet meal in a dash
But always ate
With his fingers
He loved to tell stories
About the one that got away
And sometimes
He'd talk about fishin
Spent the day with Cleet
And left him at sundown

Went to see cousin Bell
At her uptown tony
One room studio
Nell was a painter
Of some small fame
Had one hanging
In city hall
In her hometown of 200
Sweet Nell was working
A new piece
Called it "Apogee"
Looked a lot like
An off color rainbow to me
She gushed and talked
About the society news
That and her oils
Was all she new
Ever since The Jackass left her
Ages ago
Locked here in her highrise
She doesn't see
She's locked her heart away

Got a call
From my good friend Fred
He said he had a new girl
He said he was in love
Now Fred wasn't the sharpest tool
His light was rather dim
He'd been hurt
So many times
He'd lost count ages ago
Fred couldn't sing
Sure couldnt dance
But he knew how to love
He knew how to give
And he was never afraid
To take a chance
He'd called to get me
To help him to celebrate
He called to share his joy

Well that was my weekend
That's how I spent my time
It was a grand weekend
Full of laughter, life
And grace
I came away wiser
But not because of what you think
I came away happy
Because of what I heard

Freedom flies
On the wings of a dove
She whispered her dream
And let fly her hopes
A softly spun tale
She let loose her cares
And found freedom
In the giving away

Feel free to invent
A story about you
Feel free to imagine
All the things you wish were true
You don't have let on
You don't have to say
That your living
Someone else's life

You can run like Hell
From everything you see
You can bury your head
And pretend not to see
You don't have to admit
Your scared out of your wits
You don't have to say
You wish you were someone else

You can take the easy road
And wind up in debt
You can take the hidden path
Rising above the rest
You don't have to tell a soul
You don't have to speak
Just whisper your prayers
And live a life
You can call your own

I mourn
Into the wind
And the spirit
Washes away my tears
I was a madman
Pushing against forces
I could never control
I was a fool
Now released
To feel the wind
In my face
Your hand at my back

Yes, I mourn
But you wipe away
My tears

Finally I met the match
To my depravity
She sunk to my level
With her sense of identity
She struck a spark
With an effortless twitch
A conflagration
That satiated a little itch
That wily woman
Left me not quite the same
She took what she wanted
A master of the game

Silent turns the leaf
She hid her face
In his hands
The lightening never strikes
Where you thought it would
Water leaves a dusty path
Across the hollows
Of her eyes
I hid the pretention
In my hands
And held you
While you cried

My bones ache for you
To be held by you
To feel your warmth

The thought ripped
Through his head
At almost the same time
As another

My bones ache
I need to feel warmth
My arthritis
It's killing me

A wry smile passed his lips
Time for romance
Was certainly passed
Time to get on with life
Not just to dream
But to do
And romance
Like his arthritis
Would just have to
Work itself out

Chemist's Hand

Why do I have to tremble
Why do I have to shake
Every time I'm around you girl
Why do I shiver
Why do I melt away
Every time I hear your laugh girl

Cuz ur the catalyst
The way I change
Ur the way through
To another me
Ur the catalyst baby

(Change, it ain't that easy
Gotta go through the motion
Girl you got me moving
In the right direction)

Why do I freeze up
Why do I seize
Every time you flash those eyes
Why do I loose control
Why do I pick up speed
Every time you touch me girl

Cuz ur the catalyst
The way I change
Ur the way through
To another me
Ur the catalyst baby

(Change, it ain't that easy
Gotta go through the motion
Girl you got me moving
In the right direction)

First you had to breakdown
Had to have
A shakedown
Then you had to wake me
Had to shake
And quake me

(Change, it ain't that easy
Gotta go through the motion
Girl you got me moving
In the right direction)

You got me shaking off
Spirit's takin off

Cuz ur the catalyst
The way I change
Ur the way through
To another me
Ur the catalyst baby

She said her mood was spring like
His was overcast and gusty
The two went together
Like butter and wine
Each decadent in their own way
But no good together
But they shared a desperate need
A need for each other
He needed her light
And she need his rain
She needed his power
And he, her peace

Spent countless hours
Dancing around the truth
Didn't matter who got hurt
They let the storm gather
The forces of nature
They thought was theirs
To ignore
He couldn't see the horizon
And she couldn't see
Past today
The two kept twisting together
Bringing destruction
To everything in their path

When finally they realized
The truth of it all
They stood back from each other
They took their time
Each examining the other
Til they found
How they could fit
How they could live
Enriching the other
Instead of existing
With what they took
From the other

Zoning commission
Court house steps
They planned for the future
Convincing no one
She with her blindness
And he, blind in his own way
They swept through life
Losing their faith
Time after time
She went shopping instead
And he remained zoned
Her in his head
A thousand towns
Played out the same
The zoning commission
They were to blame

We all ache
To be free
We all talk and babble
About our freedom
We all insist
That we should be free
We have no idea
What freedom is
We talk a good game
While we imprison ourselves
We preach and demand
In solitary confinement

She walked in
And flashed him a smile
Her voice
Like the morning dew
Refreshed his soul
Her eyes said
All that needed to be said
Let me set you free...

Throw away the key

The weight of my loneliness
I know you can lift
The depths of my sorrow
I know you can plumb
The empty spaces of my heart
I know you can fill
The weakness of my character
I know you can strengthen
The shallowness of my faith
I know you can make deep
The anger in my heart
I know you can extinguish
The blindness of my eyes
I know you can make see
The hardness of my heart
I know you can make soft
The pettiness of my thoughts
I know you can bring wisdom
The burden of my sin
I know you can forgive

Knowing all this
And more
Why do I persist
In doubt
In sorrow
In false hopes
And empty dreams

Closing my eyes
I didn't think of you
I thought only
Of being content to be
Here and now
A slow smile
Faded across my lips
Letting tomorrow go
I'm free to live today
Letting the chains
Of yesterday go
I can just be here
Now and content
Closing my eyes
I said a little prayer for you
And let you go
No longer worried
If you will be there
When I wake
No longer worried
If you will be there
When I wake

A beer on the table
Two guitars
And friends gathered 'round
Little moments of clarity
Softly sung blues
A song to bring back
Old memories
Dog wanders contentedly
Like our memories
The past
A soft blanket
Keeps warm our very present
And we forget
Everything, except
This moment
Not the hurts of the past
Or the worries of tomorrow
Only now
With good friends
Two guitars
And a beer on the table.

It's alright I said
It's ok
The path was made
Long ago
The way through
Is being shown
It's alright I say
It's ok
The journey is tough
The way seems hidden
But with grace
Strength and faith
We will find the way
It's alright He said
It's ok...

A gracious call
In the middle of the night
A moment of clarity
And a touch of faith
He didn't know
Who to call
He didn't know
Why he did it
He just knew
What he had to do
The number lay hidden
In the customary place
'Neath the tangle of junk
That kept him straight
He'd put it there
Not wanting to call
Not wanting to wake
What he knew he must
So he pulled out the number
And dialed it quick
Afraid to lose his nerve
He waited for the answer
When he heard her voice
He said his peace
Passed on the message
He'd been told to give
She listened in silence
And said a soft thank you
Before they both hung up
Wondering why

He never knew
What happened next
He only knew what he'd done
The message
It made no sense to him
Bit it woke his faith
The sleeping giant inside
And she?
She wept that night
Thankful for the grace
The mysterious stranger
Who'd told her that she was loved

Sometimes I wonder why
Sometimes I don't have time
My thought are too fast
My heart too slow
I have to admit
I just don't understand
Sometimes I wonder
Just what is the point
Sometimes I ignore
The voices in my head
Sometimes I wonder
If it will ever be enough
And sometimes I wonder
Just how much I have to give
My thoughts slow down
As my heart speeds up
And again I admit
I will never understand

Disposable

Hey babe
Ur so sweet to me
I feel just like a king
I'm the paper plate
At ur picnic girl
I'm the dixie cup
At ur soiree
Honey I know exactly
What I am
I'm the paper towel
On ur table
You got me so wrapped up
Babe I'm the twisty tie
On ur bread
Girl its so nice to know
What I mean to you

I look around
And see those other guys
All done up fine
I ain't gotta b fancy for you
I just gotta be me
Your a sweet thing
To put me in my place
Just tell me what u need
Cuz I'm the plastic spoon
In ur puddin babe
I'm made to throw away

another disappointment
another opportunity left at the door
another chance to see the light

What flavor will your day be
What colors will shine for you
What music will gladden your ears
What thought will make you smile
What will you feel today
What will be your sense of things

I hope that laughter finds you
And fills you with joy
I hope the air sings for you
I hope the world dances for you
I hope that time is sweet
I hope you see today
The things that were meant to be

Can you feel that
The slightest of breezes
Beginning to blow
Can you smell that
Along the wind rides
The sweet smell of
The gathering storm
Can you sense that
The growing electricity
The charge in the air

The storm is coming
The latter rains are building
The clouds are heavy
With the promised rain
Can you see that
What is gathering
On the horizon?

I'm tired of tomorrows dreams
I want to settle in
With todays reality
Yesterday is a bin
Of empty promises
But no more so
Than tomorrows vapor
Better to look around today
And find the things I need

Black water bright moon
I've been swimming
Right under your sail
Angel wing feathers
Fall like stars in your eyes
I've been watching
While you slip away
Reeds caught in a current flow
Suggest nothing less
Than the detritus of your dreams
Passing 'neath the waves
To find some purchase
I hold my breath
And wait for you.

Did you ever wonder
Where you lost your way
Was in the arms of someone
To whom you were not wed
Was in the quite numbing
Of a dirty needle
Or maybe the manic forgetting
Found in your dealer's speed
Was it in the constant chase
Of never enough to buy
Did you lose your way
In the green of her eyes
Did you succumb
To the lure of the siren
So many ways
To step off the path
So many choices
It seems we'll never be free
So which way did you go
Down what path are you headed
And will there be
My friend
Salvation
At the very end?

Old man
Sitting alone
In the corner of the park
Old man
Scribbling
On crumpled bits of trash

" One little slip along the ice
I followed as long as I dared
I kept waiting for her to notice
In the land of perpetual sun

I didn't care that it was a volcano
The lava ready to pour
I followed as long as I could
Watching her every step

She sleeps peacefully at night
Not worried about tomorrow
Knowing that there is a plan
And God's angel to watch over her
No matter where she lands"

Old man
Thinks he's writing
An epic love story
Old man
Twisted morality
Scrawling out twisted thoughts

" Freeway is calling
Gotta keep moving
The law is on my tail
But they'll never catch me
I'm following you
Hot on your trail
Gonna catch you girl
Gonna make you mine
Then you'll see
What's to be
Just you and me baby
Hitting that highway"

Old man
Never knew love
Pretending to know a human heart
Old man
Afraid of life
Never could get it right

" I watched you sleep last night
You looked so tender
Vulnerable and innocent
The night air was sweet
As you dreamed your dreams
I watched as you stretched
I watched as you slowly awoke
And I got to see
The first smile of the day
Pass over your lips
Yes, I watched you sleep last night
From the park
Just across the street."

Old man
Sitting alone
In the corner of the park
Old man
Scibbling twisted love
On dirty bits of trash

Postman rang your bell
And left you a package
A nice gift wrapped box
Full of what you need
Guess you don't know
What's really inside
Until you open it up
And take that chance
But I noticed that you
Never quite noticed
The gift at your door
I see you each day
Watching waiting and hunting
For your order to arrive
And outside the box sits
Fading in the sun
Waiting itself
For you to open your door

I want to cast you off
I want to fling you free
Far and wide
I know I love you you darlin
But I can't let that love
Tear me apart
Twist me up
Or spin me into oblivion
You know I want the world for you
You know I love that smile
But love, life is spinning on
Can't let that love
Spin me outta control
Tear me down
Or get me turned around lost
Cause you gotta see
Love should be free
So I'm gonna freely give
But love shouldnt hurt like this

A pin dropped hard
On the marble floor
But noone noticed
Except for me
A beautiful metaphor
For an everyday event
I thought
So many come crashing
Hitting hard
And nobody notices
The fall
These souls
Get kicked around the floor
Unable to fulfill their purpose
And nobody cares
Until someone gets hurt
It's hard to stop
All the rushing about
It's hard to explain
That your looking
For one lost pin
To pick it up
Before its too late
Nobody understands
Until they fall hard
Onto the marble floor

A thousand scenarios
Run through my mind
I want to scream I love you
I want to hold your hand
I want it to be
Like the movies
I want to be your man
I want romance to mean something
I want to be
Your Prince

But if life teaches anything
It's the gulf between
What is wanted
And what is obtained
So instead of a steady stream
Of wants and desires
I should view life
As a bounty obtained
Thankful at every turn
For the love that is shared
The friendship given
The laughter, song and dance
The simple joys of knowing
That the earth is rich
(As am I)
Because you exist.

I'll never stop loving you
He cried
But she wasn't listening
And wouldn't have heard
If she was
It didn't matter though
He'd made up his heart
And love was the path
He chose
She didn't have to love him
She didn't even have to know
He would love anyway
He would do his best
To love without expecting
To live without conditions
And to love without bounds
Because he knew
Beyond any doubts
That love grows by giving
And not by taking
That to love
No matter the return
Is to grow
And it is never wasted

Let this serve
As my official letter
My letter of resignation
You have been my mentor
You have been my tutor
All the ways of my life
I have learned from you
I have been a good student
And am well versed in your words
They whisper to me all the days
I have shown myself approved
And have even taught others
The secrets you gave
But
As I wandered the world
I heard other whispers
Other truths and paths
And I began to see you as you are
I discovered your lessons
Are but lies
Your ways bring about ruin
Yours is a faith
I can no longer abide

I have grown weary
Of living by fear
I have grown
And I no longer want fear
To be my guide

A dark little man
He sat in my chair
He held a picture of you
I didn't know I had
A drink in his other hand
The gun by his side
He threatened to do things
That would make
A demon cry
He said he had one demand
One request
And we could stop all this
He waited until our eyes met
And our breathing
Was synchronized
He told me I had to leave you
And never look back
I could ask no question
I could know no reasons
I just had to walk away
And you would be free

Like high speed film
Just out of focus
We see each others lives
With too little clarity
We are each a blur
No beginning or end
Streaks of light flashing by
Our past unseen
Our future uncertain

As we pause
For the briefest of moments
We come into focus
We become known to each other
As the world streaks by

And as our love fades
We lose the clarity
We once shared
And our lives begin to blur
We move past each other
And fade into the world

I called that woman
You told me about
I called and she said
I left room for doubt
I asked her the reason
For her skeptical mood
She said I would find out
From a woman with a tiny brood

I met that woman
Like she told me I would
I asked if I had the strength
She told me I should
But she look askance
At my untied shoes
And she let me know
The life I could could lose

It's been twenty years
Since I heard you sing
I've learned my lesson
But you didn't learn a thing
Those women were right
Each in their own way
Love is a game
We all hate to play

It's a lonely night
Behind the moss curtain
People wander their way
Tryin to pass the time
Everyone is trying...

Love tonight
Is elusive, exclusive
Like the rain falling
All around
And no one notices
People rush on their ways
And everyone is trying...

Sleep quiets the noise
But only for a little while
Then we are at it again
Drowning in our own spite
Going our own way
All the while we keep trying...

U are the thief
The thief I let into my home
The thief I let into my heart
U are the thief
I gave permission to
U are the thief I created
...
But can I call you thief
When you only took
What was offered
Can you be a thief
When you took
What I gave away
...
But now I realize
Your thievery
It was an illusion
You stole nothing
I can't ask you to give
What you never took
You, you are now just
A sad misfit
No longer the master thief
I thought you to be
But a sad lonely stranger
Just longing for love

I used to love you
I'm really quite sure
I had a thousand reasons
For every single day
I used to love you
But now, I can't remember why
Was it your eyes
The way you looked at me
Was it your lips
And the smile I used to see
Or maybe it was your heart
And your promise to set me free
I just don't know honey
I just don't know
What it used to be
You know I thought
You were the night and day
You know I really believed
You were made just for me
You know I don't remember
What I thought back then
I'm sure you were lovely
I'm sure you were a gem
I'm sure all the guys
They envied me
But honey, today
I'm sure I don't see it that way

Sometimes I feel
Your breath on my neck
You fingers in my hair
And sometimes I feel
You walking beside me
Listening and laughing with me
Sometimes I feel
Your heart beat against mine
Your spirit pulling me close
And sometimes I feel
The tears that you shed
The sad goodbyes of yesterday
Sometimes I feel
Your heart breaking
Your dreams dying
And sometimes I feel
Hope that you cannot
A future just waiting
For just we two

Soft rise
On a shallow wave
Riding the swell
Of empty emotion
Idle bathing
In the green waters
Of your eyes
A slow dance
In fragrant flowers
The sweet swirl
Of your lazy curls
An evanescent dream
Cast in the languid time
Of a single heartbeat

Close your eyes
And open your hand
Cast wide the light
The forces of faith
Will make bright
Your night
Silence your tongue
And let your faith speak
Stop your mad rushing
And walk the path
You were meant to see
Accept the truth
Of your inconsistency
And accept
What you were meant to be

I close my eyes
And all I see is lost
Such is the state
Of my tomorrow
I know I must
Close my eyes to you
So that my heart
Can close too
I unwittingly took a chance
And tasted life
I saw what I'd been missing
And it made me soar
But I know that now
Is not the time
I tasted life too early
And woke before my due
So now I must
Return to sleep
Close my eyes
From you

When will I find
What I really need
Who will be there
For my final days
Whose hand can I hold
In the coming flood
Who will sing with me
The very last song
Whose feet will dance with mine
Upon the ashes of my dreams
And whose heart will I hold
As I give mine away

I'm a foolish man
An idiot, if you will
A man who holds out hope
For the impossible
A man who dreams
Of things that cannot be
I am a man
That reason does not reach
My foolish heart
Commands my empty head
And leads me ever onward
Toward nothing but despair
Why am I thusly made
Why must this be so
And who can wake me
From the torment
Of love.

You are my dove
My dancing shoes
My sultry disco biscuit
Your blue kisses
Make me flower flippin
Your ocean burst
An ivory wave
I'm a cat in the hat
Swimming in Bermuda
With tweety bird clarity
You are my sweets
My smartees
My white diamond
My scooby snack eggroll
You are my addiction
My ever lasting
My never quite there
You are my ecstasy
You are my....

Whispers in the night
Craving
My head just ain't right
Life goes on
Even with no light
Chest is aching
Spirits gone tight
If I had a gun
It'd take a bite

Your on my mind
Day and night
My constant companion
My every thought

Each thought
Bitter and sweet
Sweet because of you
Bitter because of me

I wish you knew
You had my heart
I wish you desired
That very same heart

I tried to keep
My heart my own
But I cannot
As it flees to you

What I want
Can't have
What I need
Can't reach
What'll set me free

Who I am
Ashamed
What I should be
No strength
What'll set me free

....

It's not your job
It's not your duty
You've no obligation
You've no responsibility
But you could set me free

Some Lyrics by Tyler Lyle.  The song is Anyhow.. and it really sorta sums it up.  You should go here and listen to his music, buy his music, and enjoy his music...

Well I know that you don't love me now
But I'm gonna love you anyhow
And you don't see me like I see you
But I'm gonna be here when you do

I heard you say you loved me in your sleep
What I'd give to be in that dream...

Well you've had your doubts
But I'm still around
And your past, it ain't lost on me
So your careful ways- even your angry face
It's still looking pretty good to me

Well I know that what will be will be
As sure as winter finds its way to spring
So I sit here restless patiently
Until something in you moves for me

I heard you say you loved me in your sleep
What I'd give to be in that dream
When you finally bloom for me
I wonder what color you will be

Well you've had your doubts
But I'm still around
And your past, it ain't lost on me
So your careful ways- even your angry face
It's still looking pretty good to me

I'm not him and this ain't then
Open up and let me in

Well you've had your doubts
But I'm still around
And your past, it ain't lost on me
So your careful ways- even your angry face
It's still looking pretty good to me

I want to see the light
At the end of the tunnel
I want to see the hope
Of a brand new day
I want hold your hand
Though out the night
I want to be surprised
By what I can do
I want you to know who I am
Behind all the disguises

Voice of Fear

Slipped around the corner
Snuck up behind you
Had your life
Within my grasp
Devilishly
I told you to run
Knowing I wanted
To try the chase
And run you did
Into every blind alley
Every dark corner
Every hole you could find
But I was right there with you
Waiting
I knew where you'd run
Before you did

And so I'm waiting
Sharpening my knives
Whetting their appetite
For your neck

Suffering
As a delicious
Saturday afternoon treat
And you
Rolled in sugar
Kiss the future
From my lips
Please, let me beg
For the more
You'll never be able to give
Let me hang on
For one more
Chance

Snuck into the cabin
Just to hear the stories
The stranger arrived
Three days ago
And the stories haven't stopped
He came in bleeding
His legs torn to shreds
His left hand missing
And his eyes burned out
He said he'd been in a scuffle
Some minor to-do
With some two bit prince
From a land none knew
His injuries, he said
Were the price he had to pay
It was the cost of love
Nothing less
And certainly nothing more
She was a girl in distress
Who was to be wed
To the very same prince
He'd mentioned before
He had to step in, he said
Before the tragic end
For he'd found out, he said
That the prince was hiding a truth
With hushed tones
And theatrical poise
He let slip the secret
That of lycanthropy
So twas an easy choice
And he made it at once
But the truth it turned out
Was not quite so dramatic
A lycanthrope the prince was not
A right awful bastard
He was every bit
Loved to torture
To rend and tear
To burn and pluck
All those things
That should never be burned
Nor plucked
And so it was
That the prince had insisted
On taking his pleasure
From our anti-hero
Instead of his thwarted bride
And once the prince was sated
He'd let the would be rescuer
Hobble on his way
And what of the bride to be
The damsel in distress
This it turns out
Was the most horrifying detail
For it was she that set this trap
And led hapless hero to his fate
It was she that orchestrated
Manipulated and schemed
And if he searched his memory
Looked back to when he had eyes
He could remember her thereo
Laughing at his demise.

Goodbye
Goodbye for now
I can't hang on
Anymore
I can't keep going
Like this
So goodbye for now
I tried to call out
But you never answered
I cried for help
But you couldnt hear me
I tried to hold on
But my fingers slipped
I tried to move on
But my heart got stuck
I can no longer go on
So I have to say
Goodbye

You won't answer
You won't respond
It's ok though
Cuz I don't exist
At least for you
I expect
What I've no right to
I want
What isn't mine to take
I long to hear
Words that may never be said
It's a sad little fantasy
Inside my head
I play at being pathetic
Hoping you won't notice
That's what I really am
Then again
I should be happy
That you notice at all
Can't forget
What you never knew
Can't miss
What you never had
Can't be sad
For someone
Who never made you happy
So I will be
What I always was
A vapor
That fades with the morning light
Gone and not remembered

I'm trying not to like you
As much as I do
Sorry my dear
If it slips through
If only your eyes
Were not quite so piercing
I'd have an easier time
At what I've been rehearsing
Maybe it's your hair
The way it tumbles and falls
That keeps me from
An iron resolve
Then again there's your voice
And of course your smile
They make not liking you
A difficult trial
Yes I could mention
Your wit, charm and grace
But none of them help
Keep me in my place
Your laugh, your wisdom
Distract me from my course
They keep reminding me
Of what I swore I'd not endorse
So love
I will keep trying
But my heart
It's just not buying

Goodbye and good night my sweet
Its been a long fought day
And you've made it through
Sleep well, dream of tomorrow
And forget my name
It no longer matters
What you thought was true
Now I must depart
Shed no tears, empty your heart
I've never had a place there
And now is not the time to start
Lay your head down now
Close your eyes and rest
By tomorrow I will be gone
And you will be free
Good night my love
And goodbye.

Bought a new bone handled knife
Spent all day
Sharpening it right
To a razors edge and better
My new bone handled knife
I only hope its sharp enough
To do the job I have in mind
To cut and to scrape
To incise and  to remove
All those cancerous parts
Those parts of me
That I do not like
I will whittle and slice
Carve and carve and keep going
Until I am more than satisfied
That I had done it right
So that nothing more remains
Of the me I cannot stand

Left behind
By love and romance
Don't deserve
To be held or touched
And you my love
I'm wasting your time
You won't find
What you need
From me
Not because I cannot give
But rather my role
The character fate chose
And I
Through lack of resolve
Have sadly accepted

When will it end
When will I be free
I think its time
To tell the truth
That I just don't have
Whatever it takes
I can't seem to measure up
On anyone's scale
Least of all mine
I just don't know
When it will end
When does the reprieve come
When the respite
When will I shut up
And get on with life
I look out on the world
And see so much beauty
None of it for me
It just falls out of my grasp
I'm told to keep pushing
Try harder
Try smarter
Have hope and faith
But I find I cannot
And so I am perpetually stuck
In a world I created
But do nothing about
Knowing what to do
My fortitude fails
And goals give way to gaols

You go from this side
I'll go from the other
We will strike together
And meet in the middle
You do your job
And I will do mine
And before you know it
The job will be done
It's a quick task
Be at it with all speed
I won't slow for a moment
And neither should you
Yeah the job is messy
But its what we were made for
I can get through it
And so will you
So get ready
Get set
We will count to ten
And we will be done
Before eleven.

Said one bullet to the other.

It's pointless to try
To escape life's traps
Man made snares
Of despair
And regret
We wrap ourselves
In the barbed wire
Of laws and civility
And pity our neighbor
As he's sliced to death
We pour salt and new wine
Into our own wounds
Screaming out
Deaf to ourselves
Blind to our tormentor
We beg for more
Believing a few more
Rusty nail rules
And razor sharp laws
Will free us from ourselves

Fear comes to me
In the middle of the night
Like a greedy lover
Consuming me
It lays heavily
Folds me in
Suffocating
Demanding my attention
It wakes me
Commands me
Threatens to burst my heart
And always
Brings tears
Fear whispers
Dark fantasies and perversions
Telling me
What it will do to me
And in the morning
I'm left
With my back raked
My chest open and bleeding
My essence drained
And with promises
That next time
Will be worse...

Imagine a scene
Done up right
In wide screen
Some desolate place
Doesn't matter the kind
Just know
That it is desolate
And you
You are trapped there
Alone
No one to rescue you
No help is coming
In fact
The only thing
Headed your way
Are the predators
You can hear them
As they approach
You've got 15 seconds
That's all the time you have
Well now
What do you do?

I live on the edge of town
In a shanty I designed
I live along a well travelled road
With a dog named Time
I won't go into town
No matter how I'm persuaded
At least not willingly
Or of my own volition
Time wants to drag me there
Roadside thugs do too
But I stay
Just on the edge of town
In a shanty I designed
I see many people
Headed to town
Never do they return
I would try to warn them
If I wasn't struck mute
I would try to direct them
If my hands were not tied

last call
was all he said
as he shuffled on down
the empty walk
please just one more
she said in return
he shook his head
and drank the last
not enough for both of us
so woman you gotta go...

let me catch you
if you fall
her last words
before the crash
she was waiting and ready
but not prepared
for how fast he fell...

it's ok baby
they always come back
drying her daughter's eyes
but underneath
when her daughter wasn't listening
she muttered to herself
he better not
or I'll kill him
but she smiled outside
gave comfort
and dried the tears...

just a few more
random scenes
from the lives I see
as a spectre
a watcher
I float among them
never quite sure
how to help

It's here again
that old feeling
of wanting to disappear
to be unmade
nevermade
to be a bit of
Divine Amnesia,
if you will,
for what God
doesn't remember
can never have existed.
What's the lesson here
that I'm failing to learn?
That I have no faith?
That I'm lazy?
Co-dependant?
Out of touch?
Useless?
Perversely Narcissistic?
Self centered?
I know all that already,
so what am I missing?
What do I do;
where do I turn?
Yeah,
you could give me
the best advise
but I'd never use it,
never do.
Perhaps I just enjoy
being this way?

If I could
Just borrow His scalpel
I'd start at the top
And work my way down
Cutting away all that you see
Try to reveal
What's really in me
But in the end
Do I really know
What that means
I know the ideal
But is it really there
Or would I just find
Even more despair

Why should I care
What you have to say
Weren't you the one
Who promised to stay
Didn't you pledge your love
Never to go astray

You gave me empty words
I'm sure you believed
You made plans for us
Not meaning to deceive
Or did you do it all
For what you could receive

Call me crackhead
Call me addict
Call me what you like
The sweats
The aching
The melancholy
Overwhelm me
When I can't get my fix
I cannot move
For days on end
The world is coming
To an end
A week goes by
And the worst begins to fade
But I'm still craving
Lookin for my fix
Ain't got no dealer
Ain't nothin I can arrange
Ain't no good, til I get my drug
If it weren't so random
I could cope
I'd do my steps
And be alright
But my fix
It comes out of the blue
Just when
I think I'm ok
It hits me from nowhere
And I go insane
Gotta have more
Gotta have it now
Gotta do what I can
Before its gone
Cycle repeats
Until I crash
Tell me, girl, what can I do
I just can't get
Enough of you...

I've been sitting here
For three hours
The hands of my watch
Haven't moved
Batteries must've died
Figures
That's just the way things work
Or don't work, I guess
Strange the noises you hear
At 3am
The hidden, secret life
Of the night
But that's not really why I'm here
Is it?
I've been sitting here
For three hours
Staring at this gun
And wondering
What should it be used for?
When I sat down
The answer seemed so clear
But now
I'm not quite so sure
I came all this way
Walked miles into the park
To this secluded spot
Because I thought
I knew what I wanted
But now?
Something is holding me back
Another three hours
And its the same
I've no more tears
No more hope, really
But I still don't know
What I want
Scratch that
I do know what I want
I just don't know
If I'm man enough
To go after it
To do what I think
I should
First morning light
And I have to leave
Can't have a Ranger find me
Now can I?
But still
The dilemma
The problem
Remains
I guess tonight
Wasn't my night
Or maybe it was
I just don't know anymore
And I'm tired of asking
Now for the long drive home
Time enough
To put the mask
Back on
And pretend
Everything is ok
No one will notice
Will they?

One touch
And you were gone
A brief sunlit day
Another hummingbird
Takes flight
And me with it
A kiss is a kiss
Except from you
One flash of moonlight
Looks down
On the dawning day
I saw the smile
In your eyes
Reflected from your heart
Was it meant for me
I will never know
And like
The first ray of sunshine
After a storm
Perhaps that's
For the best
One brief moment
With you
Stops a hummingbird's wings
And freezes
The question,
Left unanswered,
In the air

That's right
You won
Wasn't a contest
Beat them all
In a race for one
You stepped out
Stepped up
Answered the call
And you were the only one
To reach the end
And you were the only one
To run the race
There was no other choice
It had to be you
Look down through your life
And you will see
Everything
Yes, everything
Led to this place
This race
This time
With a kiss you set off
And with a kiss
You finished
The race of your life
And it was you
That won

I've got the best
Of all worlds
I've got you
I've got me
I can love freely
Cause I don't subscribe
To The Philosophy of Zero Sum
Love just isn't
Something that gets used up
You either keep it alive
And it grows
Or you kill it
Choice is always yours
I'm not talking infidelity
Or selfishness
Because those too kill love
No, true love grows
And there is always room
For just a little more

You were right
When you said
That I didn't matter
Quite that much
Who am I to think
That you would be
Thinking of me
What foolishness says
That I would be missed
What a haughty heart
That assumes it is needed
So I thank you
My dear
For setting me straight
And correcting my path
Can I be happier now
That I know the truth
Can I finally find peace
With my own
Inconsequentiality
Thanks to you
I now have that chance
That opportunity to be
Nothing more than I ought
Nothing more
Than what was meant
For me.

Talk to me
Tell me what you want
Tell me what you need
Tell me
Everything
I and
I won't do a thing
I won't stop
Your tomorrows
I won't stop
Your dreams
Your tears
Your sorrows
Or your wayward plans
Just speak
And I will listen
What happens next
Is up to you

Went out tonight
Just to think about things
Brought my notebook
Just in case
Sittin alone at the park
Watching the clouds
And thinkin about you
And the rain is coming down
Washing away
The stress of my day
It's easier to cry
In the rain
But its useless
To write
Poems to you
The rain washes the words
Off the page
The thunder cracks
And its time to go
Home again
Safe and dry
Yesterday's forgotten
Washed away
And I'm ready to start
A brand new day
(With or without her)

It's always darkest
Before the dawn
Unless dawn never comes
Then
It's just dark
Wandering lost
In the perpetual dark
Of the Arctic Circle of love
And its always night
There are rare times
When a far off sun
Can be glimpsed
On the horizon
But no matter
How fast I run
Toward the dawn
The light always fades
And the sun sets again

Sing, sparrow, sing
Open the doors for spring
So I can learn to love again
Dance little one, dance
Make room on the floor
So I can learn to move again
Wipe away your tears my dear
Wipe away your sorrow
Sing and dance with me
Like there's no tomorrow.

If you live in a house of mirrors
As I do, my son
You really must take care
What stones you throw
For the very things you see
That upset you so,
These things are but reflections
Of the faces we don't like to see
Our inner selves
So carefully hidden
Show up in the eyes
Of the innocents we see
And angry at ourselves
We cast stones at the innocent
But this only serves,
If we look closely enough,
To shatter the illusion
That we're looking at anything
Other than ourselves
So do be careful
Of the stones you throw
Look past the illusion
And your anger
Like the reflection
Will quickly fade.

I only experience you
In the abstract, my dear
An idea, whose time
Has not yet arrive
The ghost of a future perfect
I let you haunt my every day
Rattling the chains of contentment
You bring a banshees tears
To tomorrow's past
And oh, how I want to possess you
To touch and enfold you
But the present
Cannot touch the places
That tomorrow occupies
So my timid touch
Passes through you
Without any notice
I sleep alone and whisper
Gefillednys

She walked out of the sea
Grey skin, dark eyes
Long black hair
Nimble and bare
Her body did the speaking
As she approached
Commanding silence
From all around
I watched with an unhealthy mix
Of desire, despair, fear and hope
I wanted her nowhere near me
I wanted to possess her
Mysterious and grim
Beautiful and deadly
She stopped inches from me
And spoke with a voice
Like seaweed at high tide
Quiet, delicate, but insisting
Her message was
As grey as her skin
Her intent as black as her eyes
She told me of my fate
Of hidden treasures
And lost souls
Warning me away
And begging me to join her
Deep fathomless secrets
She revealed that day
And when she was done
She kissed me
A soul rending brush of the lips
She turned and walked
Back to the sea
I was left trembling
With desire
With dread
With barely contained lust
And a deep hopelessness

I have a fresh idea
But its almost not worth
The mention
A suggestion really
And singular at that
But you my friend
May think me insane
Were I to whisper it aloud
So
Let's play a little game of guesses
And see what comes about
Bigger than a bread box
But fits inside the smallest places
It can stop a thundering wave
Or crumble with a glance
It is highly prized
And cheapened daily
It is exceedingly rare
But every child is born with it
And now
Your guess is as good as mine
Because, you see
My fresh idea
It's older than sin
But its an idea
We should never regret.

Kissing couples
Holding hands
A dozen gifts
All in red
And here I stand
With one black rose
To celebrate
Black Tuesday
Diamonds, pearls
Candies and bouquets
Thousand whispers
Of undying love
And here I stand
Empty handed
Celebrating Black Tuesday
Cherubs
Cupid
And the lot
Dance and play
Guilded in red and gold
Their story is over sold
Too many couples
And too many well wishes
I turn to go
To celebrate
My own Black Tuesday

I shop
In a second hand store
For my
Second hand life
Nowhere to turn
Nowhere to go
Used up
And recycled
I got four score years
And nuthin to show
I got a mountain
Of empty promises
And no more home
I got love lost
Hope dust
A return to sender
And a future
On a discount
Everything must go
Fire sale
Goin outta business
Last chance rack
And I got
That pretty little lady
Strollin down the street
Doin some window shoppin
Discount store hoppin
I'm hopin she'll drop in
And spread some
That love around
Cuz she'll find
What she needs
Hidden in the back
Just waitin
On that discount rack

She called me by mistake
An unintended redial
I heard her having sex
It doesn't matter though
Cause I left her long ago
Little bits of serendipity
Intrude upon our lives
It's the little bits of random
That make life change
Saw her a few days later
Rosy glow and all
She didn't know why I smiled
The truth didn't show

Out to lunch I said
But she didn't hear
I think she was too busy
With the flowers in her hair
I said I think I love you
But she wasn't looking
I think she was preoccupied
With the passing of a smile
Try to catch me now
Was all that I had left
But she left me laughing here
With one more goofy joke
I tried so hard to be serious
But she just didn't care
She was too full of life
To be less than infectious
I want to hold your hand I thought
And this time she heard
You can for just a little while
Was all I had to hear

Prescind

What u do
What u do to me
What u did
What u did to me
I saw what u did
When u did what u did to me
Saw what u do
When u do what u do to me
Gotta watch out
Gotta be careful
Don't wanna miss a thing
Don't wanna b left out
So, girl
Whatcha gonna do
Whatcha gonna do to me
Who u gonna b
Who u gonna b with me
Cuz I know what I want
When I want u to b with me
I said
I know what u want
When u wanna b with me