I, I had one more thing to say
I stared intently at the chair
The single lamp gave
A certain gravity to the room
The wind's incessant howling
Quite suddenly stopped
And the world seemed to me
To wait to hear what I had to say
I, uh, I need only one thing
I need you to listen...
No response
I need you to listen to me...
No response
Alright, I will go on then
I've waited years for this moment
And I won't be stopped now
They sold me a lie
You understand....
No response
They sold me on a future
All I had to do
All anyone had to do
Was to work hard
To go to school
To be honest
To stay clean
And then your mom and your god
They would be proud of you
And you would be happy
And I bought it
Do you hear me
I bought it...
No response
Yeah you know where this is going
Mom went silently senile
And god just keep silent
The work piled up
And they changed their story
Now they said I was greedy
A cheat and a liar
I was to be held in contempt
Have you ever been hated...
No response
And now I'm stuck
Between my ego
And my dime store values
And you know, I'm not angry
I'm not hurt
I'm just waking up
I'm finally awake
You see....
No response
The problem, as I see it
Is not so much the world
As it is me
(The wind listened
While it began to rain)
It's me and my anachronisms
I'm outdated and useless
At least that's how I think
I romanticized and intellectualized
You don't blame me too
Do you...
No response
I, I just wanted you to know
Before I said good-bye
The rain intensified
As I picked up the gun
I looked again at the chair
Pulled back the trigger
And sat down...

Somewhere, out there
Underneath the wind
I lost what I'd come to find
The shifting sands
Of lost motivation
Cleared away
Any trace of a path
The rain came down
Drowning the skies
And the stars
Refused to shine
Tomorrow in an ever-night
Never brings the sun
Weary of the chase
I wrapped my faith
In yesterday's oil cloth
And laid down
One last time

She looked at me and said
"I'm just waiting
To be happy again,
But I don't think I know
What happy is"
She started to cry
And pleaded
"Can you help me,
Can you find me some hope..."
And behind her
He began to sing
In his best falsetto
"I'm so hot for you
I'm hot up inside
I'm hot down inside
I'm hot all around
Across my neck
I'm hot down my back..."
And he smiled
Not knowing he'd missed
Every note

"The voices are telling me
They are gonna kill me"

"I just want to hurt somebody,
I want them to know my pain"

"I just want somebody to
Love me..."

The fabric of our
Everyday lives
Is so easily worn thin
The threads are exposed
And the patterns
Become misshapen
And sometimes
Unwanted things
Crawl out from behind
Things that were never meant
To see the light of day
The secret pains
The rape and violence
The fear and death
We thought we controlled
Our neighbors pass us by
No longer the same
And we've no choice
But to try tie the threads
Back again...

"It's never quite the same,"
She said,
"And you know that..."
Her eyes said everything else
That needed to be said.

Feldspar, my dear,
Mohs was right
You're a cold hearted woman
With a heart of stone
Gotta gimme credit though
I tried to break
That granite veneer
But it all went sideways
Didn't it?
Vickers was at least
Half right, I guess
When he predicted
My failure
But can you blame me
For trying to polish
That heart of yours
Into a fine
Moonstone?
So I'll leave you here
In the setting you chose
Just a pretty young thing
With a heart of stone

Desperation comes in two flavors
Red and black
Which one will I choose tonight?
Black brings the bitter
Taste of regret
And red the heady taste
Of bloody revenge
So come over here girl
And give us a taste
What flavor of desperate
Are you gonna be tonight?
Dancing on the fringes
Of madness and pain
Your frenzy of self doubt
Looks so good tonight
Whirl over here and give us a taste
Don't let sensibility and wisdom
Stop your charade
Let me taste
Just how desperate
You are tonight...

I am being crushed
By the weight
Of my own decisions
The vulture-thieves
And vampires
Gleefully dance
Around my demise
Waiting
For just one more drop
And why do I struggle
Why do I push
Against what I've created
I dont know
anymore

It became the picture
Of American the tragic
The essence of what was
Never supposed to be
A singular vision
Of the unnecessary
The state sponsored
Destruction of dreams
Once this was a land
Of hope and promise
Now it is a dreamless waste
A landscape filled
With jealousy and mendacity
Wherein the greater the effort
The greater the punishment
Striving to build
Achieve or improve
Is a sign of greed
And the seeds of greed
Must be crushed
For the greater good
Of those in power
The guns, tools and powers
Of the state
Must be aimed
At those with vision
No one must rise up
Lest they challenge
Their masters and rulers
America the beautiful?
Home of the free?
Only in death
Can I once again dream

In liquid I pour myself into
Oblivion
That sweet darkness found
In your soul
I let loose a torrent of red
Regret
A soliloquy of visions and dreams
Unrequited
I tore open the veins of innermost
Fear
And laid bare the lost innocence
In your soul
I could have had you then
No
I waited until your back
Turned
I whispered cool threats of
Love
And you opened yourself to
Me

I looked my love
Into the eye of the dragon
Emerald hues
Amidst flaming reds and blues
And there I saw
Deep into your heart
A reflection of intent
A reflection of you
Tears welled, my blood spilled
From the eye of the dragon
For he too knew
That which I saw
And he mourned with me
For what I must do...

I looked my love
Into the mouth of the dragon
Razor sharp
Amidst flickering forked swords
And there I saw
Exactly what I knew I would
Raw meat and rage
A penchant for tearing
A need to destroy innocence
And you the flavor
Driving the hunger
Driving me to do what's needed...

Spent all day
Picking at the plastic
That covers the foam
That covers the brick
Of my new home
The time drips by
Like the tears of the roach
That crawled out of the hole
I made in the wall
The pretty pills
Come and they go
Some down inside
And some in cheeks
On the way to the wall
Where cockroaches hide
Eating them all
At least the little buggers
Won't be bugged by the voices
Not the nightmares
Or creepy things
Crawling out of empty spaces
Roger keeps saying
I should go ahead and do it
Crawl inside his head
Then down through the hole
He says once I'm inside
The doctors won't find me
And I can go out there
But I've seen out there, Roger
And I know what is waiting
A bad ass skinny dude
With a can full of poison
So I says to Roger
Why don't you crawl inside
I can save you today
And there's pudding besides
He told me he'd think it over
But, just in case,
I should sleep quietly
With my mouth opened wide
Tonight Roger, tonight
I whisper into the hole
I picked through the plastic
Into the foam
Into the wall
That Roger calls home

I stood in the deep
The dark shadow of the alley
And I watched a woman
Beat a man to death
She screamed indignities
At a man she clearly
Did not know

A monk reverently bows
One last time before his shrine
And I watch an intemperate thug
Shoots at point blank range
Just for a laugh

The woman, the thug
They stare at me
Wondering why I never helped
I was never quite sure
If they meant them
Or their victims

They visit me now
Late at night
Both victim and murderer
And they whisper to me
Join us, join us
And be free

The room is locked
And the walls are soft
Three meals a day
And rec therapy on Tuesday
And no matter the voltage
They won't go away

Join us...

And it came to pass
That in the days of drought
A great storm arose
Out of the west

And the storm brought
The tearing winds
Nettles and stinging things
Devourers of flesh
And those renders of the soul

The foul wind roared
As it leveled kingdoms
And cities disappeared
It clawed at the mountains
And whipped the seas

And it was in those dark days
The sun and moon's light
Was swallowed whole
Such that man was reduced
To blindness and fear

A man arose from the wasteland
He and his kind
The people of the plucked eyes
And the ruptured ears
Those who saw and heard
Only with their heart

We must discover
From whence came this wind
We must uncover
What remnant of truth remains
And seek relief
From this early grave

A delegation was volunteered
And sent out against the wind
Hollow laughter arose from man
Foolish in their contempt
But the visioneers
For it was such that they imagined
Pushed onward
To the heart of death

And it came to pass
After two years, one month
And seventeen days of silence
An answer was brought forth

The sad remnant of man
Huddled in their pits
Listened with what heart remained
And upon hearing
Were divided as a nation
Some chose to believe
While others rejected

And so it was that man
Turned against man
As is always his wont
And the visioneers
And their followers
Were driven from
The company of men
To again brave the winds

Soon man forgot his past
Forgot his reason and wisdom
And clawed his way ever deeper
Into the dark caves
Away from the winds
Away from the truth
And forever away
From the respite they crave.

............

And what answer was given
What truth was so hated
Why were men divided
And driven into the storm
And what became of the visioneers
And their followers

The wind they said
Was caused by a vacuum
An absence from the world
Such was the integral nature
That the absence produced
A continual storm

And the absence itself
Arose from the world
Of the spirit, to envelope
The world of the physical

The absence was caused
By no less than man himself
By his pride
By the twisting of morality
And rejecting the truth

Man pushed God out of his life
And God's absence
Brought forth the devouring wind
And laid flat
The pride of man

The answer rejected
Was of the simplest sort
To stop the tempest
Remove the absence
Vision and heart
Knowledge and hearing
Will be restored
And life will begin again

It comes down to this
Can it be the end
I've had seven years
Trying to pretend
It's not getting better
In fact its getting worse
Can I finally put into action
All that I've rehearsed
They keep promising
It'll all be ok
That hope shines out
For a much brighter day
But I keep finding
That all along they lied
The devils kept after me
No matter how hard I tried
And there is no
New tomorrow
There is just another today
With a bit more sorrow
So what is the point really
Of any more of this life
It's nothing but cruel
Wasted strife