There is nowhere
I can take you
That you have not been

There is nothing
I can show you
That you have not seen

There is no one
I can introduce to you
That you have not met

There is nothing
I can teach you
That you do not know

There is no love
I can give you
That you have not known

And yet...

You still see me
You still value me
You still call my name
And You still love me

Take
Take a leap of faith with me

Mother! I cried

Silence

And then,
She cried

I didn't know why

I felt sorry for her

Take a leap of faith with me

I smiled

And let go...

That which surrounds us
The gardens, walls and mazes
Self imposed traps
Comfort becomes
Uncomfortable
A prison
Of our own design
Beauty, still present
Becomes anathema
We can see no path
On the paths we've created
We cannot find our way home

Stop
And struggle no more
These walls are impermanence
These paths will bend
To your will
They will guide you
Home to me

Is this the end of things
Beat up and battered
Communal dottage
Talking past each other
Trying without hope
To maintain yesterday

(The lady in pink
Goes about Her business)

Sad twisted flowers
Hollow remembrances
Of what we were

(Quiet, efficient
Coldly compassionate)

Lunch is over
Time for a nap
Waiting for BINGO
To bring meaning
To our lives

(I dont know where i am)

I will not
Look at the past
It is too ugly

I will not
Examine where I've been
It offends me

(And it makes me angry)

"Have I wasted my life?"

I looked at her, Hoping she wouldn't answer.  I'm not sure what I expected, asking that sort of question. She sat and stared, looking deep within me.  She gave the appearance of someone who was actually considering the question.

"Well, I..."
"Stop, I don't want to know "
"But I... "
"No, I said I didn't want to know, and I'm pretty sure I meant it."
"Your loss", she said

And I knew that my cowardness had disappointed her. Again. 

"Ok.  Maybe you're right.  I should listen to what you have to say.  As you say, I did ask."
"Ok, I'm ready..."

She stared at me. Incredulous? Maybe so.  She exhaled slowly, and began...

Interface crashing
Losing coherence
To much interference
Deguass my life

Shot me through
A 9pin jack
Much to old
To ride the bus
I'm losing the battle
Deguass my life

Turn me lose
And let me close my eyes

For far too long
I've closed my eyes
My gaze turned inward
Focused for too long
Upon my faults and sin

For far too long
I have let myself
Remained chained
By my fears
By my past
By my reluctance at life

For far too long
I have slept
Unaware
Losing my todays
Leaving my path
Uncharted

It is time
To wake
To open my eyes
To break free
Embrace my todays
And finally
Face my future

Stuck adrift
Freedom
And open spaces
Will I find
That shore to call home

The world collapses
In slow motion
Whirlwind of
Personal tragedy
Pulse & beat
In half time
Quarter time
A still life of
Flying debris

And...
Breathe

She smiles
Her eyes light the way
Tread carefully
Through
The spinning crumbs
Of a life decayed
To reach her smile
To see rebirth
A new still life
Spinning up
To Joy
All Played out
In her eyes.

Today's dog
1,2,3
I'll do tricks
For a bisquit
Panting & pathetic
I'm today's dog
Howling at the moon
Looking for that sweet spot
Today's old dog

I just want to...
I just need to...
I just...

Let me lay here
And be close
Let me be
What I am
Just today's
Old mutt
Today's dog

I set sail
Yes, I set sail

I'm drowning
On my own
Mobile Atlas
I carry what I can
I set sail today
Going and gone
I don't know where
I don't know if
And tomorrow...

I set sail
Not knowing how long
How long I can carry on
Maybe I'll find...
Maybe I won't

It's never enough
What I have to give

I set sail
Yes, I set sail
Coward that I am
I set sail

Holy shit
I'm just
I'm just not fit
One sight
Lose my wit
NO recovery
No, just sit
Wallow
Wallow in it
Know that I'm
I ain't worth a shit
I aint worth
Just a bit
Of what she is
I'm just not fit

Sometimes
I'm the depths of the night
You realize you are stranded
Asleep
Alone
Bent upon your own
Destruction
There is no life line
No rescue
No last minute reprieve
Just you and the night

You know
I look around
And
You are nowhere
To be found
I hear your name
On the wind
I see you face
In the stars
I feel your love
In my heart
But you
You are nowhere
To be found
I can sail the seas
I can beg the wise
I can question the night
But you
You are gone
The wind stills
The stars fall
My heart fails
You are gone

Close your eyes
There's no reason to hurry home
Sleep and dream
Close your eyes
And open your mind

A whisper
On a hill
Quiet summer night
Everything, still
Taxi, bright yellow
Unnervingly clean
Sweeps into view
Bright blue moon
Lights it's way

Dark moonless wood
Something...
Creeping there
Waiting
Heavy breath
And low growl
An end bides it's time

Water as blue as it is deep
Bright winter, noontime sun
Sails pull your heart
Cresting wavelets
Beat a rythym promising sleep
Look up
She is staring

And I?
Loving in a box canyon
Desiccated, dry
Dull blood moon
The only light
Is the creeping  fire
Safety and dreams
Become
Smaller and smaller

And for me
There is no waking call
No hope
But you, wake from here
And go
Refreshed
Into the light of day

I have dreams
That don't exist
They bend
And break
And twist
My sanity
I have dreams
That whisper
Always on the edge
Underneath
Outside
Of my reality
I have dreams
Don't Deny me that
Don't listen
Don't believe
My honesty
I have dreams
Like any other man
Woman
Or child
Hidden from clarity
I have dreams
I can't tell you
Show you
Or explain
Jungian secrets
I have dreams
They shouldn't be
Can't be
Won't be
Mine.

My dreams persist
They exist
Where they aught not
I banish them by day
But still they stay
When I wish they would not
They torture my heart
They have from the start
Escape, I can not
My dreams remain
Driving me quietly insane
Hope I have not
Let me sleep
Silent and deep
And dream not

Holy shit
I'm just
I'm just not fit
One sight
Lose my wit
NO recovery
No, just sit
Wallow
Wallow in it
Know that I'm
I ain't worth a shit
I aint worth
Just a bit
Of what she is
I'm just not fit

The whisper of the blade
The delicacy of the poison
The last song of the rope
The twisted highway metal
A thousand ways
To let go of my responsibility
A thousand ways
To enter the night
A thousand unfulfilled dreams
A thousand thoughts
And each as desperate
As the last

Hold my hand
And please have some faith
As I find my way
Into the light
Look into my eyes
And please
See who I can be
Hold my hand
And hold me tight
Hold me tight

Deny

The disc of our world peels
Like the skin
Of a sunburned tourist

Deny

She slipped into the night
Taking with her
The only light I knew

Deny

I want to taste the future
What approaches
To whom does it belong

Deny

The dust, the sand
Crusted tears demand
She find the path again

Deny

Sweet delicate Nonesuch
Rising in his mind's eye
Breathless beauty of her smile

Deny

Cold, empty and alone
I stand
Amidst my fallen dreams

Deny

Who would call me home
And to who
Do I belong

Deny

The time of my life
The look of my future
The remains of my past

Deny
Deny
Denied
Denied

Will you find me
Lost in the world
Will you make your way
To my door
Will you know
If you find me
Will you be capable
Of knowing who I am
Will you ever find me
Lost as I am

You are the sunshine
That flows like a river
Into my heart
You light
The darkest portions of me
You warm
What has never been warm
You shine
And give life to the dead
You are the sunshine
Flowing like a river
Into my heart

What can I say
And where can I go
The path laid before me
Is empty to the last
I don't see a way
A path or a trail
That would lead me
To some when
In which I do not fail
I know
I knew
But I no longer remember

It's funny
You know
How one unintended person
Can so influence your life
That one spark
That one you never meant
to meet
Can hold such sway
Over your day today
You can't shake it
That feeling of limit
That feeling that
You've lost control
One simple I love you
Triggers change
Swaps paths
And rules the way.

And you wouldn't have it
Any other way
Would you?

The deceit of the ordinary
Tall tales all around
Whispers of what we want
Hiding the cold realities
Of life
Everyday sirens
Draw us closer to death
One lost hope at a time
Vampiric banalities
Mesmerize
Taking our lives
One drop at a time

I'm tired of trying
To get over you
I'm tired of trying
To stop loving you
I'm tired of trying
To keep you away
I'm tired
Of being me without you

The visions keep coming
One after the other
Me in a coffin
You with another
Don't take this as literal
Don't take this as fact
I've chosen a new path
I'm on a new tack

She spun her tale
With practiced easy
Filling him
With what he wanted to hear
What he wanted to see
And imagine

She knew the pathways
Of his heart
She knew the levers
And wheels
Of his imagination

Death surrounds me
Haunts me
Hunts me
Feeding off
the sins of my heart

Loneliness whispers to me
Begging me
Prodding me
Feeding off
The hope of tomorrow

Despair knows me by name
Cawing
Raven like
Feeding off
My need to be heard

And then you came
To comfort my darkness
To still the whispers
And silence my needs
Never fed
Never satiated
You ask for one thing only
You ask
For me

I think
I look
I feel
It's all slipping away
One after the other
I cannot think
I cannot look
All I can do is feel
And I do not want that

The end is the end is the end is the end
I'm tired of this wandering
Life without end
Save me from me
From this end without end
Save me from tomorrow's
Promise and then
Save me from yesterday's
Failure, end upon end
Save for me today
An end to the when
Save for me some hope
And then the end
Of empty retreat
Can be my end upon end upon end upon end