I come to these pages
To indulge my ego
To try and color my angst
Crucify my fears
And exorcise my demons
But it doesn't seem to work
Anymore
The boat is sinking
Faster than I can bail
And I'm afraid
I just don't care
Anymore
Let the whole thing sink
Let it all implode
Will the future really change
Would anyone really notice
I find that the answers
To those questions
Are just as unimportant
Just as full of meaning
As the rest of this charade

I've spent enough time
Talking to myself
Derision poured on derision
Only ferments the pain
But who else would speak
In my stead
And to whom should I listen
When silence threatens
It's in the silence
That the whispers can be heard
Pleading and urgent
The promise of the unsheathed
The urgency
Of the safety coming off
The madness whispers its plea
To join in its ranks

I close my eyes too much
To the folly of my ways

If I looked you in the eyes
If I saw what you saw
If I could only bear the thought
What would I see

The lies, the hate, the calculations
Or
The love, honor, the charity

If you want me to listen
Will your eyes
Say the same thing
As your mouth
Will you be a creature
Of habit
Or one of fealty

Despicable men
Sleep in wood
As is often their wont
But don't let them see
The pyres of the brave
The knaves in the grass
Lay seige to the righteousness
Undoing the wars of old
The fires burn bright
To consume our hope
The children cry
Their mothers abandoned
By the men's fealty
To unsavory Lords
And the common man?
He lays bleeding in the field
Forgotten by all

I could sail a thousand seas
And see a thousand wonders
I could visit a thousand kingdoms
And hear a thousand praises
I could visit a thousand bazaars
And taste a thousand spices
I could beat a thousand drums
And sing a thousand songs
And I would be none the richer
For I have no eyes to see
The wonders of the world
No ears to hear
Glad words and merriment
No tongue to taste
The bounty of the Earth
I have no heart to sing
A minstrel's tale
For I have abdicated joy
And divorced hope
I have taken Loneliness
As my soul companion
I mark time
By the passing of light into dark
And run my fingers
Across Occam's Razor
Waiting
For what, I do not know

A thousand ways in
No way out
I walked this road
Now I just want to go home
I've left myself no choices
Except those untenable
God help me
I'm so very lost
A thousand ways in
I had a thousand chances
I didn't know what I was doing
And that's never been an excuse
I blew through them all
I keep asking for you
I keep begging
Another chance
Another you
I had a thousand ways in
I used them all
To get lost
And no way out

World built for two
And where am I
Without you
A simpering sentiment
It's true
But the world's unwieldy
Without you